RIP Team Ed (5/18/09 - 6/15/09)

Oh the drama!! I'm still in bittersweet shock over Cute Ed's departure while also filled with anger of Jillian's refusal to see Wes for what he is. Such a state of conflict! This week's episode was a little on the slow side for me, but there were still moments of greatness as usual.

Zip Line of Love
The group heads to Whistler for the week of dates and when they get there Jillian reveals a date card that was under her shirt (I think) and Michael the break dancer is the lucky recipient of the first one-on-one date. Michael starts saying rhyming phrases such as "Feels good in the hood" and then says, "I honestly think I like her the most out of all the guys" so I guess it's good he's getting the date. They are going zip lining which was really just an opportunity for Jillian to squeal A LOT. After the zipping they sit on a picnic table and drink hot beverages out of ginormous coffee mugs. Either they were that big or both Jillian & Michael have disproportionally small hands. Jillian asks if Michael had fun today and he says he had, "All the way fun today". Boy he sure likes to rhyme.

Jillian wants to see Michael's serious side so they go to a fancy dinner in a wine vault. She peppers Michael with questions about his previous relationships and if he's ready to settle down should the right woman be sitting at the table with him. He responds by saying, "I'm a cheesy ass, hopeless romantic, fall in love with a girl after the first kiss kind of guy." Hmm...so just to clarify since there's been a lot of "cheese-ass" combinations thrown around this season:

According to Angry Dave: Cheese Ass = negative (i.e. Juan)
According to Michael: Cheesy Ass = positive (i.e. himself)

Jillian decides he's ready for a relationship or at least ready enough for her to continue dating him and gives him the rose.

Detective Jillian on the Case
It's group date time and all the guys except for Jesse and Michael are going snow mobile riding with Jillian. Jill tips us Americans off on a little secret that "Every Canadian girl's dream is to snow mobile in Whistler" which seems like somewhat of a lame dream to me but I guess that's why I'm not a Canadian girl. Jillian announces one guy will get to ride on her snow mobile and I'm thinking she is for sure picking Ed since he's looking especially smokin' hot in his aviators but instead she chooses Robby D. Once Robby D. & Jillian are off on their ride the other guys gossip about how surprised they are that Robby D. got the alone time first. Apparently they think Robby D. is childish, too young for her, and drinks like a fish. Add previous broken relationship in there and it sounds like her type to me!

Meanwhile on the snow mobile Robby D. apologizes for his display of anger at the last dramatic rose ceremony and explains he was mad at the situation since it meant no alone time with Jill. He says it was the maddest he'd been in a year which peaked my curiosity to know what happened a year ago but unfortunately Jill didn't seem to care so it remains a mystery. What Jill does care about is making sure all the guys on this date are here for the right reasons (her) and so she's using her detective skills to drill almost all of them with questions about why they are here.

Next up for alone time is Tanner P. Jillian thinks she'll get some answers as to who the two-timer is, but Tanner P. isn't here to make enemies so he's not giving names but instead encourages her to "keep her eyes open." Thanks, great advice Tanner P!

And now we come to the part of the show every week that makes me want to scream at Jillian and throw my TV out the window. Alone time with Wes. Silly me fully expected Jillian to grill Wes with questions to figure out why he's here...I should have known better. Instead, Jillian simply asks what he thought about the whole situation as she plays with his jacket and snuggles up to him in the snow. Wes understands why the guys might be suspicious of his intentions and even blatantly reminds her that, "I'm the one with a CD coming out" and then says his sister is the one that signed him up for this and ends with some philosophical thought saying"Whatever happens, happens". But he doesn't end the conversation without throwing in some lines like, "I didn't expect to feel like this" and Jillian eats it up and becomes putty in his hand. She tells him they have a connection so she knows he doesn't have a girlfriend. Great detective work Jill! Nevermind that he has a music "career" he's trying to launch - all you care about is figuring out who has the girlfriend. You really got the bottom of that one! Wes tells the camera that, "There's no doubt this is gonna help with my publicity; but I communicated and hopefully I did enough to seal the deal and get a rose tonight" (and continue promoting my terrible country music "career" is what I think he meant to add to the end.)

The gang is now at an ice bar taking shots and Jillian decides she wants to have another Coyote Ugly moment and dance on the ice bar. Really Jill? Once wasn't enough for you?? After she's let out the inner Coyote Ugly girl trapped inside, it's time for alone time with Kiptyn. They decide to chat on a bed and as they are sitting down Kiptyn asks Jillian how she is. She responds with, "I'm good but feel my butt - it's wet!!" And there we have the weekly wtf line of the night delivered by our fair Bachelorette. Kiptyn does in fact feel her rear end and asks if she sat on ice and then says that's why he didn't wear his spandex. Clever. Again I'm thinking Jillian's goal was to grill all the guys to figure out who had a girlfriend but I'm catching on quickly that what she really meant was she's only grilling the guys she doesn't want to make out with about the girlfriend and is just making out with the other ones. Kiptyn & Jill begin their make out session and much like last week it's pretty awkward kissing...it seems like they are sort of jockeying for positions. And I definitely saw too much of Kiptyn's tongue. Ugh.

Moving on thankfully- Reid is up next; they have some casual conversation that goes something like this:
Reid: You smell good.
Jillian: I do?
Reid: Yeah.
Jillian: What do I smell like?
Farrell: Kiptyn.

Loved Farrell's interjection and she was likely right after that make out session! I think Reid actually said something about flowers, I don't know though, I was laughing too hard to hear it. Then Jillian decides to put her detective hat on again and flat out asks Reid who has the girlfriend. Reid stammers and then deflects the question by joking that several of the guys have girlfriends and he actually has two wives. Jillian laughs, takes off her detective hat and accepts his funny answer.

Then Jillian says that Ed has been distant recently and she wants to see what's going on with him, she can't really figure him out. I start yelling at Jillian that there's no way Cute Ed is the one with the girlfriend so just back off! Jillian asks Ed why he's distant and Ed reveals that he had a conference call with his boss this morning who gave him an ultimatum - stay on this silly dating show and he'll lose his job. Jillian is sad but I don't think she is as sad as me because I don't want Ed's screen time to end! She said she hopes he'll stay but can't make any guarantees at this point. At the end of the night she gives Ed the rose and says he can think about whether he wants to keep it or not. He accepts it at that time and says he'll let her know. I'm hoping there's some twist and he decides to stay but in my heart and thanks to the previews I know that Ed will be departing.

Glacier of Love
Time for the last one-on-one of the night - Jesse. Jillian sees Jesse and immediately begins the "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee" high pitched squealing at first sight. She reveals that they will be taking a ski plane to a glacier where they will be the only two people (along with the camera guys, interns, crew, and plane pilot - but they don't count). They take off in the plane and marvel at the beautiful mountains.
Jillian: That's beautiful, that's like Heaven! I mean, where does that even exist?
Farrell: Heaven.

Farrell was on last night people! Jillian & Jesse land on the glacier and then frolic around like puppies in the snow, racing and pushing each other down. J & J decide to make their names in the snow (or at least their first letters) and when Jesse suggests they make it large enough to see from the plane Jillian is overcome with his intelligence and exclaims, "Ohhh, good idea!" Jillian then proclaims to the camera that, "Being on top of a glacier is prime real estate for falling in love" I immediately begin thinking where the nearest glacier is located.

At dinner Jesse says one of the top 5 craziest things on the show and states that he loves Jillian's voice. He thinks it's amazing & arousing. I wonder if he actually hears the squealing or if he wears ear plugs at the beginning of the date to avoid the squealing that occurs at first sight. They take it to the next level in the hot tub and talk about how much fun they had on their glacier. Jillian gets the rose and at our watching party Aimee questions, "Where's she gonna pin it - his zipper?" Fair question! Instead of pinning it though Jesse just holds the rose and then tells the camera it was such an amazing day that "I could die tomorrow and be okay." His statement rivals Jake for the most exaggerated statement ever - I mean really, these boys have both had their lives made by going on an extreme date?

The Departure
Ed has made up his mind and he's taking the job over the girl. Jillian visits his hotel room and he breaks the news to her saying, "I have to leave, what to do you think about this?" Jillian says she is crushed - as she should be. I'm crushed too, thinking I'm really going to miss seeing Cute Ed every Monday night, and who's going to be the normal one now, and who am I going to pull for now...and then it dawns on me if Ed leaves that means... GAME ON - HE'S SINGLE LADIES!!! So my sorrow is quickly replaced with plotting how to figure out which karaoke bar he goes to in Chicago so I can coincidentally run into him next time I'm in town.

Open Letter to Ed (I have yet to figure out your last name):
Dear Ed,
Hey! How are you? I just want to say I respect your decision to leave Jillian for your career. Did you know that I've been to Chicago before? I was there last October and it's a great city. I sure would love to find out where that karaoke bar you told Jillian about is located. It sounds like a fun place and I would love to hear you sing any Elton John song. I know we haven't met yet, but did you also know that we have a lot in common? I have been to Chicago, I like to hear other people sing karaoke, I like Elton John, and I use computers (and since you are a technology consultant according to the ABC website I think that's something we have in common). I know - you are probably thinking it's incredible that we haven't met yet since we seem so perfect for each other. Well, I look forward to meeting you and dating soon.
Yours,
Rebecca
P.S. You are cute.

The Least Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever
It's rose ceremony time but instead of a cocktail party this week we're treated to more deliberation room talk with Chris Harrison since Jillian already has her mind made up on who's leaving. Chris asks her some questions about Ed first, she says whenever his name was mentioned she found herself doing a little shoulder dance and saying "Oh Ed!". I get excited when I see Ed too but it's usually displayed in the form of a fist pump in the air instead of some silly shoulder dance. Then Chris asks about that "Crazy Night in Vancouver" which is sure to be the title of the next country song from Wes. She responds with comments we're heard many times at this point, she's stressed, it was frustrating, she hopes it's not true, she hopes it's not a guy she's actually falling for if it is true. And then finally Chris asks her about all the guys and she gives a rundown on all their problems. Mark: never says he's excited to see her or he wants to stay, Jake: too perfect, Tanner P.: focusing on the other guys motives instead of her, and Michael: maybe not ready for a serious relationship. Kiptyn, Wes, Jesse, Robby D., and Reid have concealed their problems well enough that they are not in danger this week.

It's rose ceremony time and Chris goes out the greet the guys who apparently decided it was "Wear The Worst Possible Outfit Night". Jake is sporting a pink shirt and a pink tie. Michael chose a bright pepto-bismol pink sweater. Wes went with a dark acid wash jacket that looks like a woman's tweed jacket from farther away. And Jesse took the prize for worst of the worst in my opinion by opting for a thin, tan blazer with a white v-neck underneath, resembling an outfit from Miami Vice. I have no idea what kind of fashion statements these guys were trying to make. I can only think either (a) it was the theme night mentioned before, (b) everyone got dressed in the dark, or (c) everyone went shopping at the Whistler thrift store. Jillian saw through the bad clothing choices and handed out roses to everyone except for Mark. Remember Mark? He's a pizza entrepreneur and has had about 2.5 seconds of screen time this season but somehow was in the top 10. He couldn't hide anymore this week and was finally given the boot.

And with that we're down to eight who are not so great (that was for you Michael!). The scenes for what's coming up looked beyond fantastic - with more drama of course, and even some drama in the bedroom that I'm afraid is going to be TMI. Be sure to check out all the recaps on Entertainment Weekly and I Hate Green Beans; you can click through here, here, and here. See you at the next most dramatic rose ceremony ever!