This is Bananas

So sorry for the great tardiness of this post. Who knew decorating a model home could take all day? If you're thinking to yourself that you didn't know I was qualified to decorate model homes then you are thinking correctly - I'm not. But after learning Reid's family business is real estate and they need someone to stage the houses I figured I better hone my staging skills. Look out Jillian!! Enough about me though - on to the good stuff!

Jillian said it best Monday night when deliberating with Chris...this is bananas. And by bananas I think she meant AWESOME!! I loved Monday's episode: family dance parties, confrontation of a two-timer, and the return of Ed - what's not to love!?

Hometown #1 Reid
Philadelphia, PA
Jillian exits the car, runs to Reid and squeals a lot. Reid shows off Philly while they attempt to have conversation but I think it's pretty clear they are both nervous. Jillian fishes for a compliment and asks Reid if his family will like her, Reid of course says yes because what else can he say to that. However he tells the camera, "If one family member disapproves then she's not the one." Wise choice to not share that info with Jilly, Reid. I think that would have turned the pressure up a little too high.

They get to the house and we meet Rhonda & Larry (Reid's parents) along with his brothers. Rhonda's ready for Reid to get married since he's approaching the ripe old age of 30 and also thinks it's perfect that Jillian is an interior designer because they need someone in the family to stage the houses. (I'm sending you my resume, Rhonda!) Jillian & Rhonda get some alone time in which Rhonda confirms that Reid has a hard time with feelings. Next Jillian gets some alone time with Reid's brothers who reveal that Reid might have a commitment issue since "girls just seem to go away." Larry tells the camera that he wishes Reid would just go head over heels and not worry about what his family thinks. Surprise guests are at the door! Enter grandma and Reid's sisters-in-law with a birthday cake for Reid. They all celebrate Reid's birthday and after he blows out the candles Jillian kisses him several times in front of the whole family. Sister-in-law tells the couple they are affectionate people and that she's not used to seeing such PDA from Reid. Reid verbalizes his discomfort which I was glad for because I was uncomfortable too. I mean - the family was just sitting there and had to watch, it's not like they could all get up and leave the room. Let's keep it classy in front of the family, Jill. And with that, the most normal hometown date of the night ends.

Hometown #2 Michael
Valencia, CA
Jillian opens to the door to the house, runs to Michael, and gives a muted squeal. I admit we didn't pick up on the fact that Michael's hometown date was not in NYC at our watching party. I'm sure there was some talking going on in the beginning of the date which caused us to miss where we were. I think it was also because Jillian & Michael didn't get alone time prior to her meeting the family, she walked right into the house when we first see her. Anyway, it wasn't until I read the blogs yesterday that I realized they were in Valencia and not Queens. Jillian walks into the house and Michael starts jumping up and down excessively. Michael's excitement is already exhausting me a little and it's been 5 minutes into the date. We meet his family - parents Lynn & Frank and twin brother Steven. His sister is in Australia and unfortunately couldn't come back to meet Michael's love.

After some casual conversation together, Jillian goes in the kitchen with sweet Lynn to help her make a salad. The twins head upstairs and decide they are going to pull the classic twin switcheroo move on Jillian. They excitedly swap clothes, Michael excitedly shaves his scruff, and everyone at the watching party is thinking there's no way this is going to work. They definitely look more like just brothers instead of twins, the difference is pretty clear. If you want to see a difficult pair of twins to decipher you should meet my friends Matt & Charlie Otte. Now there's some twins who could successfully pull the switcheroo. As expected, Jillian is able to tell that Michael is pretending to be Steven in 2.5 seconds and is unamused as she tells them to switch back.

The fam sits down to dinner and after Jillian talks about her strengths, the obligatory surprise guest enters. Michael's sister has flown all the way back from Australia to be here! Too bad she only got 3 minutes of screen time. After dinner a dance party erupts in the living room. It's here I realize that sweet Lynn & Frank must have been so proud of Michael's career path to break dancer instructor. The dancing ends and Jillian thinks to herself that she had fun with her friend Michael. Michael thinks about the choreographed break dance they will do for the first dance at their wedding reception.

Hometown #3 Kiptyn
Encinatas, CA (aka perfect world)
Jillian exits the car, runs to Kiptyn and squeals a lot. We meet Kiptyn's family: his mom Eve, Step dad Earl, and sister Davia. Earl & Eve seem to have quite the sense of humor and good taste in TV shows because they take Jillian to the backyard of their perfect home where we see a hot tub surrounded in caution tape. Love it! And so does Jillian apparently, she tells the camera "I love when people make fun of me about the hot tub scene, I can't promise it won't happen again." And there you have reason #137 that I could never in a million years go on this show. I would be absolutely mortified to have a make out session displayed on national television and then to have jokes constantly brought up about it. But not Jilly - she loves it. After they all have a good laugh about Jillian making out with another guy in a hot tub, Earl & Eve have another fun idea up their sleeve. Although this is more like the "fun" of taking a test or being interviewed. In order for Eve & Earl to consider accepting Jillian into the family she must pick the better lasagna and wine out of two options. It's here I think Eve & I would never get along considering I regularly drink 2 buck chuck from Trader Joe's and failed at my one attempt to cook a frozen lasagna. Jillian takes the largest bite possible of each lasagna to better taste the ingredients and therefore aces the fun test. She is invited back inside for a real dinner that the personal chef made.

During dinner Jillian continues acing tests. Davia asks Jillian why she wants to get married, Jillian responds that she wants what her married friends have. Clearly the fastest way to get married is to get pregnant, so Davia tells her brother to get Jillian pregnant. Eve then gets worried Kiptyn will listen to Davia and therefore must grill Jillian to make sure she is perfect family material. I don't remember the conversation exactly but I'm pretty sure it involved Eve telling Jillian working for happiness is a contradiction, asking Jillian what she should change about herself to make Kiptyn happier, and singing Tammy Wynette (who is likely her inspiration for hair & style). After their heart to heart Jillian & Kiptyn cut the caution tape around the hot tub for the camera as Eve looks on to make sure Kiptyn is not taking Davia's advice. Jillian & Kiptyn are incapable of kissing that is not awkward. I think the problem is neither one of them wants to move their head position and therefore it just looks awkward. The camera gets a good shot of the couple awkwardly kissing in the background of the close up on the caution tape.

Hometown #4 Jesse
Carmel Valley, CA
Jillian exits the car, runs to Jesse, and squeals a lot. Jesse shows Jillian around the family winery just so she's clear about how incredible it would be to be in the wine business. They talk about how their relationship has started out slow and Jillian does her best to fish for compliments again. After she is sufficiently complimented they head to the house to meet the family. We meet parents, Joseph & Betty and brother Dog the bounty hunter - oh I mean, Jacob. Jacob is a bit of a cynic which is weird because he really looks like the romantic type to me. Maybe he's not familiar with the success of Trista & Ryan? After Jillian talks with her mouth full during dinner, brothers Jesse & Jacob discuss the relationship. At first Jacob can't believe his brother is falling for a girl that wants to have babies but then somewhere in the conversation he shifts and starts saying "she's cute - a cutie - cuteness." Jesse agrees and says in fact she is a "honey boo bear." HONEY BOO BEAR?!?!? What does that even mean? And how did tough Jacob not ridicule Jesse for saying it? Jacob must have known it meant this is serious because he asks if Jesse would propose at the end. Jesse replies, "Let's say if she picks me in the end, I have no problems trying to make this work." Sign him up for a life long commitment!

After the brotherly time together Dog - I mean Jacob sits down for a chat with Jillian. He opens with, "So have you guys been naked together?" Not to be caught off guard she replies, "NO!! It doesn't get like that yet." Apparently they have to wait for fantasy suite dates when they forego their individual rooms. Jacob tells her good luck getting him to open up and melt because he's like an emotional ice cube. After that encouragement it's time once again for the family dance session in the living room. Only the Kovacs are way more talented than Michael's family because they play instruments! Jesse is clearly nervous and has sweaty palms because his drum stick flies out of his hand and hits Jacob in the head. Or maybe he meant to do it since Jacob sold him out by saying he was an emotional ice cube. Jacob & Betty release their inner hippies and sway in the background.

Hometown #5 I hate Wes
Austin, TX
Now it's time for the hometown date we've all been waiting for...and the anticipation isn't just because it takes place in the greatest state in the country. No, we're waiting because we can't wait to see what sleazy Wes is gonna pull. How Jillian doesn't see Wes as I see him (depicted in the picture at the top of the post) is beyond me. She tells the camera that Wes gets her the most but she feels like he's holding back on something. Yes - Jill, open your eyes girl!! Jillian exits the car, runs to Wes, and squeals a lot. She tells Wes she's missed him and he doesn't say it back but instead says he's excited for her to meet his two families. They enter a barn to reveal family #1 - Wes's band. They're on stage ready to play for the cameras - I mean, Jillian. Jillian loves this. Wes loves this. But unfortunately they are loving it for different reasons. The ultimate goal for Wes is his brand new CD coming out and getting on stage because no woman or drug can make him feel the way the stage does. The ultimate goal for Jillian is to date a bad-boy Texan in a band. I think it's time to reevaluate some goals here.

The scene cuts from the concert to a dark green plane landing - quick what airline has dark green planes? We need to know who Jake is pilot for! (my research has not revealed this yet). Jake is back in his pilot uniform and had to fly from Dallas to Austin because he didn't have time for the 4 hour drive. He needs to tell Jillian Wes is a deceiver and also wants to come across as the good guy to better his chances of being the next Bachelor. Once in the hotel he calls his "friend Tanner P" to make sure the he's doing the right thing. "Tanner P" must encourage Jake to go through with the plan because those are still his intentions when they hang up.

Cut back to the concert and - what's this, why do I suddenly feel nauseous? Oh Lordy, please no...please don't tell me we have to hear that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad song AGAIN!! Dangit we do. After we endure hearing that "They Say Love Don't Come Easy" for the 92nd time this season Wes piles on a few more lies to Jillian. He then moves from lying to manipulating by telling her he's tired of defending himself and doesn't want her to ask him again if he's here for the right reasons. Jillian feels guilty for questioning him. Wes thinks George Costanza was right when he said "it's not a lie if you believe it."

Back in the hotel Jillian is ready and excited to meet the family of Wes. There's a knock on her door and when she opens it...it's Jake! He assures her he's not there to get her back, but instead is there to reveal something about one of the guys that she needs to know. She guesses Wes, good job Jill - you are really acing these hometown date tests! An hour later after Jake pauses 5 minutes between words he finally comes out with the dirt - Wes has a girlfriend and her name is Laurel and he talked about her 3 times. Jillian is determined to grill Wes. She doesn't deserve this $#&@! Yea - you go girl, give it to him!!

Only her resolve fades when she sees Wes and hears his fake accent again. She simply asks him if there's anything he wants to share. He gets mad because he told her already he didn't want to defend himself anymore. He says Laurel was an ex-girlfriend but not his current girlfriend because "I can't go back to her because I can't go backwards." Apparently he's not aware of the concept of off-again-on-again relationships. But he does say Laurel is his best friend and always will be (because that's better?). She calls Jake for backup. Jake enters and the tennis match begins. He sarcastically calls Jake a man of character...Jake says "look me in the eyes and tell me you don't have a girlfriend"...Wes says he doesn't have a girlfriend and he is attacking his character...Jake says "look me in the eyes"...Wes says he must of misheard him when he was talking about Laurel...Jake says "look me in the eyes"...Wes says he's disappointed in Jake...Jake says he's disappointed in Wes...I say I'm disappointed Ed is gone. Jillian finally says she's heard enough about them looking in each other's eyes and she's gonna trust her gut on this one and go with the "Texas bad-boy" over the "All-American guy" (who also happens to be from Texas, just an observation). Good call Jill, let's see how your gut works out for you!

We finally meet Wes's family which consists of his mom Carolyn, step mom Renee, and 3 sisters. It seems that Wes has abolished all men from his family because they were jealous of him. Jillian & Wes tell the girls about Jake coming back and the girls immediately defend Wes saying everyone is always jealous of him. Again, clearly that's why they had to get rid of all the men in the family. Renee assures Jillian that Wes is a one woman kind of guy. As they leave Wes reminds the family of the riches that they will get to share in once he makes it big.

THE RETURN OF GREATNESS
Back in LA Jillian is conflicted and emotionally exhausted. What a roller coaster! She can't handle any more surprises...but wait, is that a knock on the door again? I'm thinking Jake is about to move from looking honorable to desperate because it must be him again. But when she opens the door I see the face we all know and love (but that I love more)...ED!!!! Jillian is happy he's here but asks why. Ed said he made a huge mistake and he wants another shot. Jillian tells him to come to the rose ceremony. I tell her she better not pick him in the end because I had become used to the idea of him being single out there waiting for me to find him.

The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever
Chris Harrison enters the deliberation room to pretend to help Jillian deliberate. He asks her about the wild week and if she was happy with all the surprises. She thinks it's bananas but how could she not be happy with Ed's return. And while she appreciates Jake's intentions she's gonna live in denial a little longer and hope she can change the bad-boy. Chris sighs along with the rest of America.

Rose ceremony time and I want to take a moment to congratulate the guys on a very well dressed ceremony. We've come a long way from blazers with t-shirts and women's tweed suits. Reid looks handsome in his glasses and I loved the vest loook on Jesse. Well done boys! Chris Harrison tells the guys someone is back and in enters Ed. Gosh I get exited everytime he enters the room! Poor Michael knows this is the end, I mean really - who stands a chance against cute Ed? Jillian enters and hands roses to Reid, Kiptyn, and Ed and then...who's it gonna be - Jesse or Wes? Will she follow her gut or her love for wine?? Alas, she chooses gut again and gives the final rose to Wes. Jesse hugs her and exits without saying a word...what an ice cube. Michael is emotional and says he straight up loved her and won't say one bad thing about her. Classy Michael, I know some women in Charlotte who won't say one bad thing about you either.

Dramatic Scenes!!
We're off to Spain next week where there will be more drama, twists, and suprises of course!! Favorite upcoming scene I'm looking forward to would have to be Wes's slip up as he says "My girlfriend...I mean ex-girlfriend." Will that finally cause Jillian to have a gut-check? Let's hope so for her sake and for ours so that we don't have to hear more terrible country songs. I also want to say that I'm praying now that Ed is not the one who has trouble in the bedroom. Your prayers are appreciated as well.

Sorry again for the late post - hope you got to enjoy the usual hilarious blogs of Pop Watch (which I loved the title of), Chris Harrison, and Lincee. Also, thanks to Kelli I just read this article where the infamous Laurel speaks!