Ed Better Not F*&$%@! Disappoint Me...

I apologize for the implied profanity in the title of this post however when Jillian uttered that line in an emotionally drained state of frustration I couldn't help but think it summed up the season perfectly. What a journey, right? And the guy in the picture above is the man she's putting her faith in to be perfect and never let her down forever. Anyone else a little nervous about those unrealistic expectations?

Before we get started, here's a disclaimer that comments at the watching party were flowing so know that if I reference the name of someone not on the show I'm referencing a watching party attender. Special shout out thank you to Jen for providing the rose petals to add to the watching party atmosphere, definitely made me feel like I was there.

The End of the Road
Jillian is correct when she says it's been a rocky journey - I'd say it's more like she's been through the Rocky Mountains dealing with foot fetishes, wanna be singers, rage-aholics, narcissists, nudity, and multiple come backs. But it's all good in the end because as she says they all adore her and isn't that the point of the show? As she reflects on Kiptyn we see that he's trying out Ed's terrible fashion strategy and is sporting a tank top with what appears to be his family crest and some unfortunate plaid shorts. Do people lose their fashion sense when they go to Hawaii? I don't understand...

Ed Meets the Parents
Ed and Jillian greet each other with the usual squealing and making out. My sister Jeni & friend Kate told me their watching party noticed that due to Ed's height or maybe just his style of hugging it looks like there is uncomfortable pressure on Jillian's back each time they hug, kiss, etc. They wonder if this will lead to future back problems and if that is covered under some sort of worker's compensation in her contract with ABC. Just some side note thoughts... Time for Ed to meet the parents (Glen & Peggy) as well as cousin Tori and Grandma 'Bring on the hotties'. As Ed goes around to meet the fam we are reminded this is not a Southern family because not one person stands up to hug him or shake his hand so we're forced to watch tall Ed awkwardly try to hug the sitting family. Grandma however shows him plenty of hospitality and plants one on him as he greets her, this is where I started to make the connection that Jillian takes after her Grandma. Ed admits to the camera that he was nervous to meet the family, Amy P. notes that "you know what happens when he gets nervous." Sadly for us, we do.

Time for Peggy to grill Ed but this time instead of the 76 questions that she had for Jason last season she's narrowed the list down to 66. Anyone else wonder what the 10 were that she cut? Maybe "Would you marry a woman who's been on a reality show twice in one year?" or "How do you feel about men wearing short shorts and tank tops?" The questions must have been along those lines and since Ed didn't have to answer them Peggy affirms that he gave, "really good answers."

Next up to play the position of griller is Glen, Jillian's dad. As Glen & Ed sit in their chairs with their legs crossed and bare feet I see a strange resemblance. They both had on some cargo shorts and pinkish shirts, the main difference was Glen went for short sleeves while Ed opted for the long sleeves. I was just glad Ed opted for sleeves, they could have been cap or three-fourths for all I care. Ed tells Glen he doesn't know how to describe his feelings for Jillian so that must be love. Then he asks Glen for his permission should he be given the opportunity to propose to her and with that he wins Glen's vote.

After all the grilling it's time for the family to hang out and catch up - oh wait, no I guess Jillian's family catches up by hula dancing in the yard while wearing grass skirts and coconut bras. Ed decided to further destroy his masculinity by placing a green flower behind his ear and then bumping his booty while hula dancing with his girlfriend's dad. He then says "You're all mine Glen." Did anyone else get more than a little uncomfortable? And on top of that, as Jen pointed out - why did they all have to wear the boobies? I was glad to see this family visit come to an end so the constant state of confusion for me could hopefully end.

Kiptyn Meets the Parents
Jillian is sporting a yellow tank top while anxiously waiting for Kiptyn. Amy P. points out that Jillian must think she looks good in yellow because she sure does own a lot of yellow clothes. I point out that she can only wear tank tops on Kiptyn dates for fear of wearing the same tank top Ed is wearing on his dates. Kiptyn walks up and awkward kissing on a bench ensues as it normally does with these two. He is nervous to meet the family but Jillian reassures him by saying, "my family is just like your family." Since we've now met the Harris family we know this is not a true statement, Emily says they must have cut off the end of her sentence which was surely, "except for nicer and less plastic surgery."

Kiptyn enters the condo and this time the Harris family decides to stand up for the introductions. Grandma restrains herself and doesn't give Kiptyn a kiss although I'm sure she got a good feel of those abs as he hugged her. Kiptyn & Jillian tell the family about how they met, Kiptyn got out of a limo and they were both nervous and then the other one being nervous made them more nervous. There sure were a lot of nerves that night...I'm sure it had nothing to do with the 54 cameras and 29 other guys there.

Peggy gets out her trusty list of questions again and starts firing away at Kiptyn. Although it seems that Peggy is either working on her impeccable posture or is afraid that Kiptyn is trying to look at the answers on her paper because she is sitting straightforward on the edge of the couch and looking back at Kiptyn with her head instead of turning her body to face him. Or maybe she has back problems much like Jillian inevitably will in the future? After Kiptyn answers the questions Peggy tells the camera that she thinks he is more like Jillian which sets up the strong possibility of a split vote on the guys by her parents.

Kiptyn had a disadvantage right away with Glen because he wasn't aware of Ed's trick that he learned from Andy Bernard on The Office - the highest form of flattery is imitation. You could tell Glen wasn't a fan of that plaid shirt right away. Kiptyn was also probably expecting a list of questions considering he just spent 2 hours answering Peggy's while she wouldn't face him. However, Kiptyn pulls it together and as he is talking about his feelings for Jillian to Glen he tells the camera that it dawns on him that he is in fact in love with Jillian.

After their little chat it's time for Kiptyn to say goodbye. Unfortunately for us that means a goodbye makeout session with Jillian. The instrumental soundtrack wasn't turned up enough in the background so this makeout session was complete with horrible slurping sounds. How have these two not learned how to kiss yet?

Glen is the Lone Ed Supporter
Now that the family has met both suitors Jillian wants to know what her family really thinks about them. Cousin Tori is the first to offer some extremely intelligent advice. She says Ed is more "work orientated" and that Kiptyn is the yin to Jillian's yang. Peggy expounds on this yin-yang theory and says that she believes Kiptyn had better energy. Glen pipes in to end all this 'Kiptyn is hot talk' and says he felt Ed had stronger feelings for Jillian. He even thinks Ed is ready to propose and also did you see how he dressed like me? Smart Tori tells Glen, okay we get it "Enough about Ed, more about Ed." Did anyone else think that was a very confusing contradiction? Seriously, what does that even mean? Grandma thinks they're both hot and wants to know if she can audition for "The Bachelorette: Oldies but Goodies."

Jillian needs some "girl talk" time with smart cousin Tori so that she can tell her about the e.d. problem with Ed. She skates around actually saying the issue but says enough so that Tori catches on to what went down. If we weren't sure that Tori was Team Kiptyn before the girl talk we certainly were after because she tells Jillian the issue is a very big deal. Jillian is distraught and worried about making the wrong choice. Emily wonders why because she can always pull a Mesnick and change her mind on the After the Final Rose Special.

Ed Only Brought One Hideous Swimsuit to Hawaii
Jillian pulls up the hotel in a jeep and we see what Ed has picked out today for his outfit in Hawaii. Oh look, it's the same exact tank top from the previous date in Hawaii along with the same cargo shorts and I'm fearful the same short shorts swim suit are underneath those cargos. But, who would want to wear the same outfit on TV twice in one week? Not Ed of course, so he has chosen to wear a short sleeve pink gingham shirt over his terrible tank top. Sigh...I have no words. They take off in the jeep to their destination of what else - a helicopter. They ride in the helicopter while viewing an exploding volcano...surely ABC isn't using a volcano as an analogy for bedroom troubles, are they? Hmm...

After the helicopter lands they walk in a beautiful area that is "rain foresty" according to Jillian. Ed keeps the compliments coming and tells her, "You could be one of my best guy friends but also the woman I could spend the rest of my life with." Really, Ed? I'm thinking I would have rather heard Angry Dave's compliment about my booty than for you to tell me I'm like one of your guy friends. But maybe that's just me. Uh oh...mankini time. Ed & Jillian participate in some water contact as they hold each other and kiss frequently. Ed tells the camera he knows there's big pressure on him tonight. Jillian tells the camera, "there's a part of me that's worried he'll stress out again." I'm sure that helps with the pressure. The next shot is of the couple making out on the bed and just when I was about to change the channel because I couldn't handle all the close up shots of kissing, we see the outside of the hotel and the light in the room turns off. (Oddly enough it appeared to be the same camera shot they used in Hawaii on the forego card date gone wrong...). We see a fiery volcano erupting and- we get it ABC, Ed finally reached success in the bedroom!

Kiptyn Talks a Lot
Kiptyn waits on the beach for Jillian to arrive; Jillian tells the camera that he is "the best catch in her entire life." I'm sure that makes all the other ex-boyfriends along with the other current boyfriend feel really great. Jillian is also sporting a jumper...again. Given that I believe she has worn some sort of jump suit on every episode this season I'm forced to believe that she is single-handedly trying to bring back the 70's trend. I refuse to jump on your bandwagon Jill.

Kiptyn & Jillian spend some time floating around on a surfboard in the ocean. More accurately, Jillian straddles Kiptyn as he does all the work and tries to push them around using one paddle and no help from Jill. After their romantic day at the beach it's time for a romantic evening. As they sit on the couch in their hotel room Kiptyn confesses that he has fallen in love with Jillian and though he knows it has taken him longer to express his feelings, he really feels they have a connection. It's not clear that Jillian heard everything that was said because as Amy P. astutely observed, it seems that if you talk to Jillian for a while without a break her eyes start to glaze over and she zones out. Jillian is aware that Kiptyn has said something positive because she tells him she's been waiting for him to say this to her. However, Amy's theory is confirmed later in the bedroom as Jillian tells Kiptyn, "Thanks for all that stuff you said." Very descriptive - she was likely thinking, 'thanks for all that stuff you said when I wasn't listening anymore.' The camera leaves the bedroom and fades to a lazy wave in the ocean before commercial, quite different from the erupting volcano Ed's date closed with.

Preparation for the Final Rose Ceremony (FRC)
Jillian wakes up and walks out onto her balcony to contemplate her final decision while wearing her jumpsuit pajamas. She is conflicted with this decision and would really like to find a loop hole in her contract that would allow her to keep dating both of these men who adore her. Alas, she can not find such a loop hole and decides the best thing to do would be to make a pro/con list for both men. She sits on her bed and writes the positives and negatives in her journal, I think it probably looked something like this...Kiptyn: pros - nice abs, way out of my league, we have yin-yang energy, cons - controlling mother, looks like a baby giraffe on ropes courses, can't stop making out with him long enough to hear him talk, never had his heartbroken (aka been the dumpee). Ed: pros - he came back, fun to be around when intoxicated, says he loves me all the time; cons - he left, thinks he can pull off European bathing suits, he left. Jillian loves them both 100% but after her pro/con list and contemplating on the balcony she has made her choice and she knows who she wants to be with.

Meanwhile it's time for Ed & Kiptyn to go ring shopping - not together of course, but at the same place and from the same selection. Kiptyn chooses first and Jen notes that it's possible he was thinking he could buy her a bigger diamond with his family money. Ed chooses second and I think the consensus at the watching party was that Kiptyn chose the better ring. Ed's looked a little too much like a heart/pear/teardrop for me. After they have the rings we're treated to shots of the men getting ready (again not together, but in their respective hotel rooms). Kiptyn has his shirt off throughout the process because this is also the network that brought you Sawyer from Lost. However this network apparently thinks we haven't seen enough of Ed's upper thighs so they show us a shot of him in his tight, short briefs. Thanks ABC, could have done without that image!

Love is a Battlefield
Jillian appears confident as she emerges from the limo ready for the final rose ceremony; she has even worn a wedding dress in case the lucky man wants to elope immediately after proposing. Chris Harrison walks her through the house to the back where the bridge leading to the final rose ceremony podium is over some incredibly blue water. The suspense builds as the first limo pulls up. Statistically speaking in the Bachelor/Bachelorette series there's a 94.2% chance that if you are in the first limo you are the one getting back in the rejection limo alone. The door opens, some brown shoes and a blue suit are revealed and as the camera pans up we see that it is...Kiptyn.

Poor Kiptyn is about to have his heartbroken for the very first time in his 30 year-old life. I know, you all feel as sorry for him as I do. Kiptyn walks across the bridge over the incredibly blue water and greets Jillian on the podium. He should have known when he saw her face, I'm pretty sure everyone else knew at that moment he was in the 94.2%. He begins recounting his journey with Jillian on this thing that is The Bachelorette. He remembers snowshoeing, the ropes course, drinking a lot, the flamenco dancing, and kissing a lot. As he takes a pause to make sure she is still listening she delivers the blow. She tells him he is all the things that she's always dreamed of, but emotionally it's moved slower and in the meantime she's fallen in love with someone else. Kiptyn responds as a man and says, "This hurts, but I'm a man and I'll have to get through it." They walk across the bridge and Jeni & her friend Kate said their watching party noted that as Kiptyn & Jillian walked across the bridge over his troubled water he felt his coat pocket to make sure that the ring was still there. Good thinking Kiptyn - I wouldn't want to be charged by ABC for that sucker either. When in the rejection limo Kiptyn holds it together pretty well. With tears in his eyes he tells the cameraman and therapist that he thought with Jill the greatest of loves was possible. He's never had a broken heart before and isn't quite sure what this salty discharge is that's leaking from his eyes.

The Year of the Comeback
With Kiptyn gone Jillian tells the camera she's excited because she knows Ed is on his way and he's the one she wants to be with. Just then we see a minivan taxi pulling up to the house. Chris walks down from the house as the sliding door to the minivan opens to reveal someone wearing some extremely white shoes. As the camera pans up we see that that someone is Reid!! Even though we knew it was going to be him thanks to the previews last week there were still shouts of joy and fist pumps at the watching party. Chris tells Reid he doesn't have much time because Ed is on his way there. Reid tells Chris he is aware there are men in limos coming and he knows what he needs to do. I'm thinking what he needs to do is put on a suit because he looks a little disheveled, but I guess he's going for the break dancer Michael look. He emerges from the back of the house and starts to walk across the bridge over the incredibly blue water to meet a stunned Jillian. She is understandably confused and Reid begins to explain, "This is crazy, I had to pull so many f&*$@ strings- no Reid did not curse here but thanks to the flood warning in Stanley county that's what it sounded like. Excessive beeping took over for a moment to announce the flood in a county an hour away and therefore I have no idea what kind of strings Reid had to pull to get back to Hawaii. If anyone knows leave it in the comments. With the flood warning over, we pick up with Jillian saying, "My connection with you was indescribable", Reid responds, "I don't see you with either of the two remaining guys", Jillian asks, "Do you even know what's going on here?" Reid responds, "Yes, I do and I think what's going on here isn't right without me." And with that he drops to one knee and proposes to a bewildered and confused Jillian. Her response to his proposal? "Come up here, I need to think about this." Reid stands up and asks, "What is there to think about?" Jillian asks him to wait on the podium while she goes inside to ask Chris Harrison what the hell is going on here. Chris comes out and first promises that this is the last comeback of the comeback season. Next he helps her deliberate better than any other reality TV show host could. When she asks for his advice on how she is supposed to know what to do and who to choose, he simply responds with, "Because you know what to do." Isn't Chris Harrison the friend you always wanted? I know my friend Kelli agrees and possibly wishes the option of more than friends was there with Chris. With the encouragement that she knows what to do, Chris has affirmed her decision to go with her gut and her gut says shorty shorts man.

Somewhat composed and after the 17th make-up touch up, she walks back out across the bridge and tells Reid, "We did have a connection. But, I loved the situation I was in and I have to go with who I was in love with before you came." Poor Reid looks heartbroken in Hawaii again. As they walk back across the bridge he tells her he doesn't see it with the other guys but that he wants her to be happy. He gets back in the minivan and makes Jillian slide the door shut. Once in the rejection taxi he says he has no regrets about flying back to Hawaii although he would have chosen a different outcome. He says, "I was too late telling her and it's a shame." I tell you what's a shame Reid - that we haven't met yet! That's the real shame and I hope we can do something about that soon.

Shorty Shorts Wins
The second limo with Ed finally pulls up after likely circling the block several times while Jillian turned down two other men. Ed walks across the bridge over the incredibly blue water to a very happy Jillian. He delivers the best 'I like you do you like me' podium speech I think I've ever heard on this show because before getting down on one knee and proposing he actually stops and asks her if her feelings are mutual. When she confirms her love he continues and proposes with the pear/heart/teardrop diamond ring that wasn't as pretty as Kiptyn's. Jillian is ecstatic, says "Absolutely" to his proposal and then does her signature straddle move on Ed as soon as he stands up. As they hug and kiss she asks Ed if he knows how much fun they are going to have together. I'm hoping her idea of fun is shopping for a new wardrobe for Ed. Cue the musical montage from Martina McBride and we get to see the journey that has been Ed & Jillian's 6 week relationship. Did anyone else think ABC was tempted to play "They Say Love Don't Come Easy" instead of Martina? Would have been a nice parting shot although I'm not sure it would have been worth hearing that song again. Jillian jumps on Ed's back piggy back style and they walk across the bridge over the incredibly blue water to tell the cameras how much they love each other and that this is the "funest ever" according to Jillian. According to Ed that is now a word. Oh young love.

It's a little odd for me that Ed won and I'm somewhat disappointed about it. I mean, pre-Ed's leaving I was clearly sold out for Team Ed. He seemed normal, funny, and down to earth. But something happened in those 2 weeks he left because when he came back he was so incredibly cheesy and of course you know how I feel about his fashion choices post-leaving. He started out so strong and then fell so far, so fast. I'm sure there's a good analogy or lesson in there somewhere. I do think one of the reasons Jillian either consciously or subcounsiously chose him was because he changed for her. He went from the workaholic to the seemingly devoted fiance and I think she couldn't help be love that she was the reason for his change in priorities. I'm hoping for her sake that the change sticks.

And with that, The Comeback Season is over with the original comeback kid winning. Ironically enough our own comeback kid at the watching parties, Lauren, was the winner of the bracket challenge. She didn't recieve a rose at our 'rose ceremony' quiz challenge during the premiere party/Farrell's birthday but we let her come back anyway. Who knew we were so insightful? Congratulations to Lauren & her pick Ed, for her prize she got to take her picture with Ed in her matching sailor hat and bikini:


And a special shout out to Carrie for her comments on the surroundings during the episode - while the rest of us were wrapped up in the drama she made sure we were aware of the details such as Jillian's Flintstones inspired necklace complimenting her wedding dress and the desolate background by the podium.

I'll blog again after the After The Final Rose Special airing tonight. I'm very curious as to what's going to go down since no previews were shown. Be sure to check out Pop Watch and I Hate Green Beans, our Host Chris Harrison won't be blogging until after the After the Final Rose so we'll have that to look forward to Wednesday! I'll also eventually blog about the Wes drama - in case you haven't heard he's telling anyone that will listen he was given a bad edit and wasn't really a bad guy. Thanks so much for reading along this season and not judging (or at least silently judging) my crazy, sometimes over-the-top fascination with this entertaining TV show.