Taking the Trash Out

I had no shortage of options to choose from for the title of this post. "Clearing the Table...Finally Seeing the Light...Red Flags are There for a Reason...or I Feel at Home with the Spanish People" were all options I mulled over this morning. However, I felt like Taking the Trash Out best summed up what last night's Bachelorette episode was all about. Unfortunately for Jillian and us, the Trash stayed around too long causing a stink. But let's talk about the good times in España first...

We begin the show with Jillian pretending to shop in Spain. But thanks to her future date with Reid we know what Jillian attempting to shop really looks like. As she thoughtfully walks down the street we are treated to a loooong memory montage of each of the 4 remaining guys. I can sum up what she thinks of the guys in approximately 7 seconds but apparently ABC felt we needed 15 minutes to hear that: Kiptyn is hot but perfect, Reid is funny but quirky, Ed is cute but left her, and Wes is what she wants but she isn't what he wants.

Kiptyn Reveals He'll Never Be On Dancing With the "Stars"
After the looooong memory montage we see Jill waiting at the top of some steps for Kiptyn in Madrid. She sees him and squeals with excitement as she raises her hands to give him some spirit fingers. Right when she's about to spread the spirit on Kiptyn she remembers she's in Spain and so instead she snaps her fingers above her head several times, you know - because that's more Spanish. They run to greet each other, more squealing ensues. They decide to walk around Spain and talk about how beautiful it is. I think Jillian must have been confused on her location again - surely she thought she was at Carowinds/Six Flags when she put her hand in his back pocket.

The couple shares a talk about Kiptyn not being ready to propose yet (as Jillian drapes her leg over him during the talk) and then head to a Flamenco dancing spot in Spain. Poor Kiptyn thinks they are there to watch some Flamenco dancing, but no they are there to participate! Clearly ABC wants to have the runner-up bachelor ready to spin off on Dancing with the Stars since that worked out so well for Melissa. With Michael gone they must think Kiptyn is the next best thing. As Maria & Ricardo teach the couple the Flamenco it becomes clear it's time for ABC to move to plan C since Kiptyn isn't quite picking up on it. Tough call though because he really did pull off the bull fighting outfit they made him wear.

After the third wardrobe change Jillian & Kiptyn walk through Spain again when they stumble upon a scooter. Jillian asks Kiptyn if he wants to take said random scooter to dinner. They hop on and ride slowly through the streets until they make it to their destination where Kiptyn crashes into the curb. They discuss the tight pants that Kiptyn had to wear for the Flamenco - he reveals he couldn't zip them and ever the classy one Jillian understands why he didn't stating, "You could have have put the boys in jeopardy." Then she makes this smooth transition, "Speaking of boys, do you want kids?" Kiptyn says he does want a few kids in a few years and Jillian says she wants a neighborhood of kids in less than a few years.

Enter the waiter with a card on a sliver platter. What's this? The fantasy suite dates with 4 men left - not 3!? They are really changing up the tradition this season! The card from Chris Harrison states that the couple has the option to forego their individual rooms for the night and stay as a couple in the fantasy suite if they choose to. Jillian asks Kiptyn what he thinks, he says he's ready to go to the fantasy, but wants to know what she thinks. Jillian says she has feelings for 4 guys and doesn't want to confuse those feelings by going to the fantasy, BUT if things continue for them the way they have been going then she's sure they'll get the opportunity to go to the fantasy at some point in the future. It's at this point that I begin to suspect that she's turning all men down for the fantasy because it's earlier in the season than usual and therefore she doesn't want to seem like a promiscuous girl with 4 guys instead of the usual 3. My prediction is there will be another round of fantasy suite invitations handed out by Chris with either the top 2 or 3 guys left. Anyway, instead of going to the fantasy for the entire night, Jillian tells Kiptyn she would rather just cuddle for a while and then sleep in their separate rooms. I'm sure Kiptyn was thrilled with this option to cuddle. Jillian walks on the large red bed in the room and they drape themselves over each other and talk/kiss awkwardly (because that's what they do). Jillian stays true to her word and eventually kicks him out.

Reid Reveals He's Big...and Also Funny.
Jillian sits on a bench in Sevilla looking directly forward as Reid comes up behind her and says, "Hola mi amore". She squeals with delight (shocker) and they twirl around (another shocker). Jillian tells Reid they are going to be shopping for their lunch. They walk in to a bakery and we get the first glimpse of the humor that Reid brought for this date when he asks Jillian if the picnic basket he's carrying is considered a man bag. Then we get the first glimpse at Reid & Jillian's terrible Spanish. Reid asks for the pequeño loaf of bread and Jillian questions if that means brown. Considering both loaves of bread were brown it's clear she didn't really think that question through before it left her mouth. The butchering of the Spanish language continues when the visit the butcher. (sorry, I couldn't resist!) They attempt sign language, English, Spanish and French but aren't getting anywhere as they ask for cooked meat. The butcher finally seems to understand and then asks Reid "Como Estas?" To which Reid replies, "Soy Grande". To his credit he realizes that didn't sound right and asks the butcher if he said I'm big or I'm great. The butcher says he said I'm big. Oh Reid, you are starting to grow on me.

As they eat their picnic they discuss how things went with Reid's family. Reid keeps the jokes coming sarcastically stating he was surprised that his family liked her. He then asks about the other hometown dates and jokes again when she pauses saying he's glad she can't remember. Reid is on!

After they change (love Jill's dress here - she's making great clothing choices in Spain) it's time for dinner. Jillian tries to get Reid to specifically tell her why he likes her or why he thinks they would be good together. Poor Reid is not totally comfortable letting the guard down which is more than understandable considering she is dating 3 other guys and there are likely 14 cameras in his face the whole time. Oh and also they've only been "dating" about 6 weeks. Waiter time! The waiter delivers the card on the platter and Reid hesitates before reading it questioning Jillian if it's going to be in Spanish. After reading he says the fantasy suite is totally her call. She rambles for several minutes and I think basically says the same thing she told Kiptyn saying if things continue going the way they have then she'll accept on round two of the forego card dates. However she doesn't offer Reid the cuddling option...interesting. So they instead continue to talk until he gives her a piggy back ride.

Ed Reveals He's Still Cute...but Maybe Not as Funny as Reid. Sigh.
Oh Ed...I tried to stay loyal to your team. I haven't officially switched sides, but in the Reid vs. Ed battle last night I'm sorry to say I think you finished second. Please try to work on your jokes next week.
Still in Sevilla, Jillian walks through a canopy of plants trying to do her best J. Crew model look while sporting the classic khaki shorts & white button down look. She reminds us that Ed left her and he needs to make up for lost time. She sees Ed and skips to him but there's no squealing or twirling, remember he's behind where the other guys are. As they walk along we see that for some reason Jillian's left side is wet...that's odd. They take a horse carriage ride and Ed apologizes profusely again for leaving. He says he couldn't stop thinking about Jillian the 2 weeks he was home and knew he had to come back. Jillian tells Ed, "I"m not sure I would have had the balls to do what you did" and there we have the 2nd reference of the episode to 'the boys'...classy again Jill.

After the carriage ride Jillian asks Ed what his hometown date would have been like - you know, she she didn't get to meet his family since Ed left. He says his family is pretty laid back and that she would have fit right in. Oh - and of course that he would have taken her to sing karaoke. At this point I'm kind of glad we were spared Jillian singing karaoke considering her singing on the "make up a song for Jason" date was very painful to watch and hear on the Bachelor. After they chat they go back to the fountains they were originally at and make out in the water as people stand by and watch. Very odd. I think this must have happened before the carriage ride though which explains her wet shorts at the 'beginning' of the date.

Poor bra choice for Jillian's outfit at dinner- for some reason she went with the black bra, white shirt combination and the black bra kept popping out through dinner. Jillian reminds Ed throughout the evening for the 32nd time that she already has trust issues with him since he left and he's behind where the other guys are. We get it Jill - he's behind, he left, you don't trust him - how about we just focus on the fact that he's back!? Ed makes a few attempts at humor during dinner, responding to her question about kids with "Who wouldn't want another little me running around?" Enter the waiter - wait, I mean the Spanish conquistador...what in the world is that waiter wearing?? He delivers the card on the platter and after reading it Ed says he would love to stay in the fantasy suite. Jillian delivers the "not now, maybe later" speech for the third time. But Ed counters her response by reminding her of what she's reminded of him the entire day saying they have a lot to catch up on and what better place to catch up in the fantasy. She agrees to spending time in the fantasy to catch up more. Once in the fantasy suite they make their way to the large red bed and discuss how much they like each other again. Jillian asks Ed what he's thinking regarding the fantasy and in another attempt at humor Ed says he doesn't want Jillian to do anything she's not comfortable with and he would just ask her to leave if she doesn't want to stay so he can have the fantasy suite. Sigh...I really think that following Reid is tough! Ed's just not quite as fun or funny - but he's still a cutie so you can see the dilemma I'm in. I'm giving a slight edge to Reid after last night. Jillian & Ed decide to stay in the fantasy to catch up but of course they make it clear clothes are staying on.

Wes Reveals He's Trash
In Barcelona, Wes begins by telling the camera that he's fired up. He informs us, "I've got a number one single in Chihuahua, Mexico so I feel at home with the Spanish people." Don't start judging the Texas education system people, chances are this kid wasn't the model student. Wes & Jillian see each other and there's no squealing or twirling here either...interesting. As they hold hands and walk Wes tells her he's ready to localize with the people. They come across some bikes and decide to ride them. Wes sees a singer in the street and tells Jillian that would be him if he lived in Spain. I'm predicting he could be a singer in the street back in the states as well once the world sees the evil behind the curtain. Then they come across a gazebo and decide to sit down and have a picnic in it.

Jillian says, "I'm excited to spend time with you." Wes responds with, "I know." So romantic. As he tells her how much of a connection they have Jillian notices he couldn't be sitting further away from her and hasn't been affectionate at all during this date. Could she finally be seeing the flags? She asks Wes if he would move to Vancouver should they end up together and he says that's crazy. Then she asks if he would meet her in the middle somewhere. He says, "That bird has no foot" and then knocks over his beer. I don't think I've ever seen someone so obviously attempt to create diversions. Jillian decides to leave it at that for now and pick it back up at dinner.

Wes is sporting a patchwork bandana shirt that he must have sewn together when the crazy Spanish/Mexican women tore off his clothes while touring in Chihuahua. He announces that he's being a gentleman as he pulls out her chair. Then Wes says he wants to clear the table or air or whatever (which is a sign of the cliches to come in the limo). Jillian says she's attracted to him, but red flags have been raised. I'm totally surprised she's actually seen them. He says again he wants to clear the table and says he doesn't have a girlfriend. Then he admits his manager was the one who thought it would be a good idea to come on the show, but while he may have originally come for the wrong reasons he could have left by now had his career been the only reason he was there. Clearly he is trying his best to leave because he still isn't showing Jillian any affection on this date which she points out. He says he knows she's dating 3 other guys and at the end of the day he's gotta be true to himself because, "Numero uno is most important here." So romantic. Jillian moves to asking for details of why this Laurel person is important and why they broke up. She asks him to pretend she's Jake and tell her what he said to Jake exactly. Then he responds calmly, "I told him the whole story, I told him my girlfriend....I mean my ex-girlfriend...." and then he just looks at her wondering if he's finally done enough to get kicked off. Waiter time! The waiter delivers the card and Wes reads the invitation for the fantasy suite aloud. 2 seconds later he says, "Umm..I think we should actually." Oh how I wish she would have responded with something harsh, like don't even bother coming to the rose ceremony or your songs suck. But no, she simply says she thinks they should skip it. She walks him to the cab and tells the camera that she feels more sorry for him than her right now because he didn't need this to be successful in his career. What?? She really thought he was a good singer? That's just crazy.

The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever - Without Chris Harrison!
Where in the world was Chris Harrison? I missed him. Jillian walks up the steps to the guys wearing an unfortunately black feathered/fringe number. She almost made it a whole episode without a poor wardrobe choice...almost. It's pretty obvious that Wes is getting the boot so maybe that's why Chris skipped the ceremony? Kiptyn tells the guys, "If it's me, you guys keep it real for me." Wes responds fully aware of his fate by saying, "No, if it's me you boys just know I'll be having lots of sex back home." The guys look disgusted, the watching party screamed and jaws dropped. Oh how I wish Jillian would have just said this will be the easiest rose ceremony ever and then handed out the roses quickly, not saying a word to Wes as he made the walk of shame to the limo. But sadly she gave the usual, "this is tough" speech and after handing roses to Ed, Reid, and Kiptyn she chose to walk Wes out while holding hands. I really wonder if she would have made the same choice after seeing all the personal Wes interviews & limo rant. Jillian is proud of herself for finally seeing the light. I'm thinking she shouldn't be too proud because he did make it all the way to the top 4.

The Most Dramatic Rejection Limo Ride Ever
Once in the limo with whiskey in hand Wes let's loose. He proclaims his pride over being the first ever contestant to make it to the top 4 with a girlfriend. He informs us his acting days are over, he's done everything he needed to do, he's got his dog & band back home waiting for him, and he's gotta do a radio tour asap. Then he starts saying even crazier things like, "It's about to go down in Spain, I'm cutting the chains off, click, click, click, click, click, click." AND THEN this kid starts talking trash on my new boy Reid! He says, "How you gonna lose to Reid? I was born at night but not last night" Then he calls Reid something that got beeped out. Oh No He Didn't!! The hatred was growing in everyone at the watching party! Wes then puts down all the remaining guys saying, "Those boys couldn't so much as get a nibble back in Texas...it's on like a pot of neck bones." What does that even mean? I honestly didn't know so I looked it up on Urban Dictionary and apparently it means, "when something starts to or begins to happen. When neck bones of chicken are prepared to eat, they are boiled. When they are boiling , they are 'on'." Still not sure how that saying ties into Wes getting the boot - maybe he thinks his career is about to start now? Or maybe it's back on with Laurel? The whole limo ride left me feeling angry, confused, and in general I thought it was just very odd. And the last line Wes says/sort of sings on the show is, "I'm in Spain, everybody's gonna know my name." Wow - great song writer Wes, no one's every rhymed with Spain before.

And with that it's the end of Wes (praise the Lord) UNTIL the greatly anticipated Men Tell All Reunion show which you know is gonna be on like a pot of neck bones!

Be sure to check out the other blogs, Pop Watch, Lincee, Chris Harrison, and Jillian herself blogs here and admits she kept Wes a little too long. You think??