The Happy Ending...for Almost Everyone

Because last year's After the Final Rose Special was so incredibly dramatic I confess I had the same expectations for this year. Would Reid try to propose yet again? Would Kiptyn have increased his 10-pack to a 12-pack? Would Ed break up with Jillian and announce he is becoming a fashion designer specializing in extremely short swim suits for men? Or maybe he's designing women's clutch purses since it appears he's holding one in the photo above? (photo courtesy of people.com) As it turns out, this ATFR Special was more similar to the 16 preceding last year's - pretty boring.

The only drama of the night for me was prior to the actual show. I was sitting on the couch in our living room reading a book (in an attempt to keep my brain from turning to complete mush thanks to reality TV) when all of the sudden a small bat - yes, a BAT flew across our living room. Naturally I screamed and dashed upstairs to my room slamming the door behind me. I didn't emerge from my room until my roommate CC & friend Gregg arrived on the scene to assist me in locating and removing the bat. And by 'assist me' I mean they looked around the house while I stood in a corner clutching our fireplace shovel to protect me. They searched in corners and behind furniture, but thanks to my fleeing from downstairs upon seeing the creature we really had no idea where he could be. After we gave up searching I convinced myself that the bat had flown out of the house in the way he came in and mustered all my courage to stay downstairs to watch the ATFR Special on DVR (since we missed the live show due to the bat search). I know you're impressed that I risked my life to watch the show. I'll be calling Animal Control today and will be sure to update the story should the bat appear again. On to the much less dramatic part of the evening...

Let's Relive Last Year...Again
Very unfortunate tie & shirt combination, Chris. I mean after all the fashion faux pas you have seen this season you picked a purple shirt and wrinkled red satin tie? I'm thinking wardrobe forced you wear this ensemble because the Chris Harrison I know and love would never pick such a disaster. Chris starts with reminding us of how dramatic and entertaining last year's ATFR special was and then invites Melissa to come out and updates us on her life. You know, because we have no idea what she's been doing since she was heartbroken on national TV. We see the video of Jason breaking up with Melissa for the 327th time and then Melissa talks about what's gone on since that heartbreaking day when she referred to herself in the third person a lot. To sum up: Melissa's life is going great - she won a lot of money by finishing 3rd on Dancing with the Stars and also got to show off her dancing skills, she's engaged to her best friend Ty (not to be confused with Jason's son Ty), and she's got a new gig on Good Morning America. I guess as she said, "the sky's the limit" when you start out on a reality dating show.

Kiptyn Handles Heartbreak Well
Next up we get to hear from Kiptyn, of course not before we see a video recap of his journey on The Bachelorette. Kiptyn says it takes the breath out of him to see the good old days on the video and that he is still very sad about the situation. He know knows that it sucks on both sides of the end of a relationship - being the dumpee and the dumper. However he must be bleeding on the inside because he doesn't seem too broken up about it to me. Jillian enters and Kiptyn asks her what he did wrong. She answers in George Costanza fashion telling him he didn't do anything wrong; 'It's not you, it's me'. She admits she did go fishing for his confession of love for her a little too frequently - ya think? And then she tells Chris "I hope he's okay, I just want him to be happy" with Kiptyn sitting right next to her. I think he'll be okay Jill, I'm guessing he's a top contender for the next Bachelor and even if he isn't as we all know he'll likely resume the dump-er position in any future failed relationships anyway.

Poor Cute Reid
Reid's turn to come on stage and he looks great! Well, except for his hair is kind of doing a fluffy thing with a few pieces going a little crazy but much better clothes than his proposal outfit. Chris asks him some obvious questions, does he wish he would have confessed his love earlier? Does he still feel like a part of him is missing? Reid answers honestly and is clearly still struggling with feelings for Jillian. Hi Reid, I just want you to know I'm here and I'd love to help you move on! Jillian comes back out on stage and extreme awkwardness begins. He asks her if there was a part of her that wanted to say yes when he proposed Jillian says that it was tough because she wasn't ready to let him go when she had to. Then she goes on to thank him several times for coming back. I'm thinking a 'thank you' didn't make Reid feel much better about the situation. Lots of awkward silences follow as Jillian and Chris look expectantly at Reid waiting for more questions. Reid then says, "I had more questions, but it's not right to ask the questions I was going to ask. Like I was going to ask about the fantasy suite..." The crowd gasps/laughs as Jillian looks a little annoyed. I love it! In an effort to finally end the awkwardness Reid says, "You made your decision and I accept that, there's no reason to poke or prod; I shouldn't be here." Darn right Reid, you should be in Charlotte!

Chris opens it up to the audience for questions. A 14 year-old giggly girl steps up the mic and says, "Hi Reid!!!!" and then giggles a lot. The audience laughs, I get annoyed. Chris hands Reid one of the roses from the 8,342 on stage because he has a feeling he'll quickly be handing them out to the ladies. Then she asks, "I was wondering if you had started dating again and if you would want to go on a date with me?" Oh no she didn't!! Reid responds by first asking how old she is - I say not a day over 14 - and then says it's too soon to start dating. That was code for "I've been waiting for this show to be over so I can move to Charlotte and start dating someone special there." You may have missed the code but it's there.

The Happy Couple
Chris first talks to Jillian before bringing her man out. He commends her on dealing with all the shenanigans she's had to put up with to get here. What a great word - shenanigans, definitely a great adjective for the crop of guys they gave her to choose from. Chris asks Ed to come out - no, not what you're thinking he asks him to come out to the stage - not come out on his gender dating preference. Ed & Jillian say several times that they are excited to "get out there as a public couple" and they also kiss after they answer every question. We get to look back at a video montage of their time together and the proposal again. A woman in the audience is losing it and wiping tears. Seriously?

Chris asks what's next for the happy couple and if there are real marriage plans in the future (you know, since they're engaged). Ed responds with a confident, "I think that uh, we're certainly going to get married in probably the next 12 months." The audience cheers, I do hope it's true as well. Even though history isn't on their side they do seem happy and in this economy don't we all need somebody to cheer for? Admittedly it's a little harder to keep cheering if that person chooses to wear a mankini, but if they're happy then we should be happy for them. I think we should honor their happiness by working on their celebrity couple name...Edian? Jillied? Anyone else have thoughts? Next Chris says this isn't the first time marriage has been brought up and we see some video footage of Ed & Jillian fulfilling a Spanish legend by walking under an arch to ensure their marriage. Jillian wanted to run under the arch and Ed wanted to walk...so telling.

Chris opens it up to questions from the audience and we start out with a phenomenal one. A woman asks Ed, "We all want to know, what was with those mankini shorts?" We do all want to know, so true! Ed responds "They looked a lot longer," to which Chris responds, "Where?!?" Love him! Jillian tries to say she actually liked them, but Chris calls her out and says there's no way anyone could like those shorts. Ed tries to chime in like he can't believe Chris doesn't like them and Chris says, "You stay out of this." Have I mentioned how much I love Chris Harrison? I do. A lot. Jillian reveals that he has since gotten some navy blue ones that are shorter. I'm pretty sure she thinks his navy blue briefs we were forced to see during the final episode double as a swim suit because there's no way they make swim shorts shorter than the green ones. Unless you include speedos.

Next question from the audience, "You guys obviously seem in love, I just wanted to see if everything is working out in the bedroom." Really, lady? You really want to know how things are working out in the bedroom with them? Why??? Jillian and Ed nervously laugh and then she says, "The only problem in the bedroom is that we can't get enough of the bedroom." Thanks for making us hear that audience lady.

Chris closes the show by telling the happy couple everyone can tell they are clearly in love and "A great country and western singer once said that, love, it don't come easy...and maybe it didn't come easy, but you certainly found it in Ed." Best closing ever.

You can hear from the happy couple on Jillian's blog here and of course be sure to check out Chris Harrison's blog here. And if you want to see Edian (I think I like that one best) on Good Morning America, click here. There's a great video montage at the beginning of the segment that really captures the craziness that is The Bachelorette. Thanks again for reading, I'm not quite sure what a breezy blog will primarily consist of now, I am looking forward to season 3 of Mad Men airing in about two weeks and then the fall TV programs will be here before you know it. Of course there's also always my daily shenanigans such as chasing bats out of our house.