Aloha Reid

I know this picture is a little on the wow/really?/crazy side but I couldn't resist. When I googled "aloha" and this one came up and I saw that the girl was doing my signature one arm dance move the image came to me. The title of the post was really the idea of another blog or article I read (I can't remember which one) that commented on how fitting it is that Aloha means hello and goodbye. As Reid said aloha (goodbye) to Jillian there are likely 1.2 million other girls (myself included) saying aloha (hello!) to a now single Reid. It's true, I had to turn in my Team Ed card last night because (1) Ed wears short shorts, tank tops, and pastel suits and (2) I couldn't deny the humor, charm, personality, and overall cuteness that is Reid. I am disappointed that I am not able to remain loyal to Team Ed but seriously did you see those shorts??

The show opens with Jillian wearing her itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow striped bikini as she walks along the beach and thoughtfully gazes out into the ocean. She reflects on each of her suitors as she sits down to let her inner ten year-old come out and draw a heart in the sand with a J+? in the middle. I'm thinking she then asked the camera man to help her with a game of MASH so she can figure out who that question mark will be along with how many kids they will have and whether they will live in a mansion, apartment, shack, or house. They probably had to cut that part out to not ruin the suspense for viewers.

Kiptyn Takes a Leap of Faith...and is Still Boring.
Kiptyn gets the first date (again) and as they see each other on opposite sides of the bridge they run toward each other and then hug, twirl, and squeal (again). They get in a jeep to ride to their date location. Kiptyn says, "You look good in this thing" and Jillian responds with a humble, "I know!" Jillian explains to the camera that she needs to know that Kiptyn trusts her and is ready to take that leap of faith that is required when you propose to someone after 2 months...so naturally they're driving to a ropes course for their date. I always thought that on a ropes course you were trusting in the rope and harness holding you and that it really had nothing to do with the person completing the ropes course alongside you...but what do I know?

Jillian seems to regret her decision once atop the course and encourages Kiptyn to support her with multiple kisses between each part of the course. This seems to work well until the end when they have to climb up separate poles and then jump for a trapeze. Jillian has obviously never been a Young Life leader and is therefore understandably shaky atop the pole (aka Quantum Leap). Kiptyn coaches her through standing on top of the pole and when she finally makes it, he gives her a "way to go" wink that won over everyone at our watching party. It was such a fantastic wink that we had to rewind to see it again. If you missed it I highly recommend going to abc.com to see the episode just for that part. They blow each other kisses and then jump for the trapeze - excuse me, I mean Kiptyn jumps for the trapeze and Jillian flails off the pole well short of the trapeze.

Feeling brave after the ropes course, Jillian decides to sport a one-piece outfit for dinner. "Beyonce called and wants her outfit back Jill," said Amy P. of marginalia fame at our watching party. I thought that was an appropriate way to sum up Jillian's outfit choice. At dinner Jillian tells Kiptyn she's glad he got to see her not so tough like she normally is to which he responds by telling her "that's deep." Then Jillian pulls a card out from under her napkin and what we suspected last week is confirmed - it's "forego your individual rooms" date night round 2. And this round, Jillian wants The Fantasy. They head to the fantasy suite and I feel for the ABC interns who must be tired of putting out rose petals and lighting candles since they already did all this once before and for nothing in Spain. Thankfully we don't have to watch Jillian & Kiptyn make out too long before he closes the door and the camera fades out.

Reid is a Magic 8 Ball...and Jillian is Shaking Him Like Crazy.
Jillian and Reid see each other but there is no running or twirling and only muted squealing - maybe a sign of what's to come. Jill is now sporting a neon yellow skirt and a long gray tank top, oh no wait, that's a dress...no, a skirt and top...no, definitely a dress. Clearly it took me several minutes to figure out what she was wearing but when it was decided that it is a dress I think her theme for this week's outfits must have been "one-piece". (except for bathing suits of course). Jillian and Reid throw a beach ball around in what appears to be some sort of nice trailer park. Odd. Then we see a helicopter flying to greet them and I admit it's kind of nice to have the helicopter back after what seemed like a long time to go without one for The Bachelor/Bachelorette series.

Reid tells the camera that, "Heaven is a helicopter ride in Hawaii with Jillian." Amy P. thinks Reid has a low expectation of heaven. As they ride around Hawaii the pilot decides to share with them that he is an ordained minister, to which Jillian responds, "Well let's get this s%$! done!" Shockingly after that statement Reid does not propose in the helicopter. After the helicopter lands Jillian tells Reid she's planned a picnic for him. Does Jillian really think she is planning these dates? I'm pretty sure Reid and the rest of the viewers know that it was ABC who had the picnic planned for him but I guess Jillian can keep thinking she's the brains behind the operation.

She brings up the marriage talk again and asks him if she freaked him out with the marriage talk in the helicopter. Then she starts the ambush of "how much do you like me/please tell me you love me" questions. Reid admittedly responds as a four year-old saying "this much" and stretching his arms out. He gave you a visual Jill - what more do you want!?! She tells the camera she wants to give Reid as much time as possible to tell her how he really feels (i.e. to tell her that he loves her) so she's giving him until dinner...whoa, don't be so generous with time Jillian!

At dinner Jillian then tells the camera that Reid makes her feel different than any of the other guys but that she needs Reid to tell her how he's feeling.

Hey Jill, It's me - your friend, Rebecca. I just wanted to take you on another trip down memory lane. Remember the visual that Reid gave you to show you how much he likes you? Do you remember any of the 3,200 times he has told you that he really likes you and he usually doesn't move this fast in relationships but he thinks this is something special? Oh and do you also remember that he is the only one that makes you laugh?? I'm thinking these are all signs that he likes you and that you like him. Please stop asking him to tell you how much he likes you, thanks!

Obviously Jillian didn't get my reminder note prior to her dinner with Reid so she continues the extensive questioning. Jillian asks, "Would you be ready to propose at the end of this (you know, in about 2 weeks)? To which Reid responds with a, "Wow, you are really putting the pressure on...would I be ready to propose at the end of this (in about 2 weeks)?...maybe...yeah". She tells Reid he is like a magic 8 ball and then I think she must therefore believe his responses really mean "Ask Again Later" because that's what she keeps doing. She stops questioning long enough to give him the Forego Card and they both decide to stay in the Fantasy Suite. While in the Fantasy, Reid tells Jillian that he's scared because he doesn't throw the L-word around. Oh how I wish Jillian agreed that this was a good thing and normal to be apprehensive about in any situation, much less when saying it to a person she's been dating 6 weeks...alas, she does not agree and clearly, desperately wants to hear the L-word from Reid.

Next the camera pans to clothes laid out on the floor and then we see Jillian and Reid in a bubble bath with an extreme amount of bubbles. It's unclear if they were wearing swimsuits or birthday suits but because this is family blog I'm going going to say she had on a bandeau top and they definitely had on swimsuits. The camera fades away after they have the obligatory make out session.

Ed is Extremely Embarrassed...and so am I.
As the old saying goes, what goes around comes around. I feel like I am partly to blame for Ed's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad wardrobe choices this week because I may have poked fun at Jillian and some of the other guy's clothes on occasion. This week however, Ed took the cake for the entire season in wtf outfits. However, the watching party was divided on the swimwear choice, so I'm aware my opinion is not the end all, be all and if you liked his outfits then you are likely more fashion forward than I am. Unfortunately clothes weren't the only embarrassing thing about this date...

Ed and Jillian see each other near a boat and run, hug, grope, twirl, and squeal when they see each other. Of course this is the first time during the date that my eyes about popped out of my head because good old Ed was sporting a TANK TOP and cargo shorts. Why, Ed? Really?? Why did you choose a tank top? I think only about 2% of the male population can pull of tank tops...much less tank tops not worn with a swimsuit and sadly you are not in the 2%. In case there's any confusion - I hated the tank top. Jillian broke her one-piece clothing trend and opted for denim shorts & a white button down. Similar to the khaki shorts & white button down she wore on her previous date with Ed.

For as many times as Jillian has questioned Reid to tell him he loves her, she has also reminded Ed that he left her and he took the hometown date opportunity with him away from her. Ed tries again to make up for his absence and tells her some things about his family, specifically that they call him Richie. Jillian says, "You look like a Richie". I'm pretty sure she was hoping the nickname was due to his wealth and not a family name. Then they decide to go for a dip in the ocean. She takes off her clothes to reveal her bikini and Ed takes off his clothes to reveal what he calls his "MANKINI!" There are several definitions of a mankini found on urban dictionary - thankfully Ed didn't choose the Borat-type mankini. Not thankfully though he did choose the, "Entirely too small pair of shorts worn by a dude" mankini. Ed has chosen to wear some short green & white shorts for their swim. This is where the watching party was divided - some attendees thought the shorts were retro and cool. The rest of the attendees (of which I was clearly a part of) thought they were way too short for a guy and some retro things are better left in the past. I have no idea what happened on the swim because I was still in shock over the short shorts.

After the swim Ed reveals that he has a surprise for Jillian. He had a hunch that since Jillian only told him 954 times that he took the opportunity to meet his parents away from her that it might be a big deal for her. So he tells her, "I've flown my parents to Hawaii so you can meet them". Again, do Ed & Jillian really believe they are the ones in charge here? I think everyone in America knows that Rick & Judy hopped on the free private ABC jet to fly to Hawaii. Jillian is beyond thrilled that Ed has listened to her and did what she wanted...if only Reid would have done the same, she thinks.

So they head to the hotel to meet Ed's parents, Jillian enters the room and then becomes the micro machines man by talking extremely fast and non stop for several minutes. Rick (who bears a striking resemblance to Milton from Office Space) and Judy couldn't be happier with their free trip to Hawaii and are living it up in their Hawaiian shirts. At our watching party Emily questioned why Rick's mustache is "empty" in the middle. The white/gray patch under his nose apparently made the middle of the mustache appear 'empty'. The couples discuss something but honestly I don't know what because when Ed crosses his legs I'm distracted by the amount of thigh that is showing due to the short shorts. And also I hate that tank top. Judy takes Jillian away for a one-on-one and reveals she's never see Ed have such feelings. Meanwhile Rick asks his son what the hell is going on here. Thank you Rick, finally someone is going to confront Ed on the short shorts and tank top issue! Oh - Rick means what the hell is going on regarding Ed dating some girl on a "reality" tv show. Fair enough, good question. Ed says he has never felt this way about anyone and could see himself with Jillian forever or something like that. Rick gets choked up and tells the camera, "I've never seen Ed put his feelings on his shirtsleeve." I tell Rick this doesn't make sense because much to my disdain Ed isn't wearing a shirt with sleeves.

Jillian & Ed go for a walk on the beach while drinking wine. Then she pulls the Forego Card out from the sand and since they spent their first overnight date in the fantasy suite in Spain just talking they say yes to foregoing their rooms again on round 2 so that they can really enjoy The Fantasy. Jillian wants some "sexy time with Ed"...The Fantasy is really getting quite the build up for what we unfortunately know is going to happen to poor Ed thanks to the previews.

Jillian pretends she is the one that set up the fantasy suite as she lights some candles when Ed comes to the door. Before they move it to the bedroom, they talk about how Jillian wants to come before Ed's work and some interesting Hawaiian music plays in the background. After Ed assures her that is what he wants to they decide to take things to the bedroom. Oy vey...this next part is full of such awkwardness. While Jillian changes into something more "comfortable" we see the first red flag of trouble ahead for Ed. He is sunburned and looks extremely tired while laying on the bed of rose petals as he waits for her. Jillian comes out in a see-through number and they decide to rub oil/lotion on each other. At this point Amy P. asks if we have accidentally switched to the soft porn channel. Unfortunately not. Thankfully the camera pans away eventually and we see the light in the bedroom go off from outside the suite. Whew - we really dodged a bullet there, I guess that editing just made it look like there was 'trouble in the bedroom' and really Ed was just tired - wait, what's this - the light flips back on! We reenter the Fantasy suite to see Jillian rubbing a distraught Ed's shoulders. She explains there was a lot of pressure on both of them and they had such a full day and they were sunburned and they had a lot of wine and any/every other excuse she can think of to defend poor Ed. After she dismounts Ed he tells the camera he is disappointed that he couldn't "show her he's in love with her." Amy H. sweetly asks what that means, surely it couldn't be...but it is. CC says E.D. for Ed, and finally this date is over - not a moment too soon.

The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever
Chris Harrison is back! Yay! Chris helps Jillian deliberate over the boys - she says she can really see herself with each of them but in different scenarios. She can see herself dating one, marrying a different one, and being with the third one in 25 years. We played a little guessing game of which guy fit which life scenario in her head at the watching party, but getting in Jillian's head is a little tough to do considering it's impossible to figure out how she arrives at some decisions. Jillian thinks there's a catch with each guy - Kiptyn is always the dumper, Reid won't propose, and Ed...you know - Ed had some trouble with the "chemistry." Chris tells Jillian not to fear because the men have made some very private video messages for her (that we all get to see) which should help her decide.

The videos all have your standard, "What a journey we've been on, I really like you and want to keep going on this journey with you" message. Ed's message is the only one that seems to get her attention because he throws out the magic p-word and says that he could see himself proposing at the end of this. There's the first hint that Reid is getting the boot. Jillian looks worried and says this is the hardest decision she's ever had to make.

Meanwhile the men are exiting the limo and taking their place at the ceremony. Ed continues his theme of "the worst clothes ever" and gets out of the limo looking like a cross between cotton candy and a clown wearing a suit that was a combination of all possible pastel colors. Once the men have taken their place Jillian comes out and tells them she is falling in love with all of them. Then she asks Ed if she can talk to him in private. Hint number two that Reid is leaving - if you remember back when break dancer Michael was still on the show and she was deciding between him and Jake she asked to speak to him, not Jake before dishing out the roses and then Michael was the one that got the rose. She wants to make sure that the "chemistry" will be there in the future with Ed. He swears to her it will and asks her to trust him. With Ed's response during the alone time I am certain that she's going to use the same strategy and keep the one she spoke to.

Everyone assumes their positions at the ceremony again and Jillian hands out the roses. First one to Kiptyn, second one to...Ed. Poor Reid. Jillian walks him out, he tells her he's not sure that she's sure about her choice. She tells him she thinks they were in different places and hands him the same friend card that Jason Mesnick handed her when she got her 3rd place finish on The Bachelor. In the limo Reid is clearly sad and blames himself for not being able to open up in the way he "should have." Who wants to go to Philly with me to tell Reid in person that it is perfectly normal to not have feelings of love and lifelong commitment after dating a person for 2 months!?! If you go with me just know that Reid and I will probably also go on some dates while I'm up there so you might get bored.

And then there were two! We're down to the Men Tell All episode next week and then the finale the week after (and then of course the after the final rose special). I'm starting to get bittersweet feelings, friends - what will we entertain ourselves with when this thing is over in August? The scenes for the finale are somewhat of a mystery - does someone come back and propose and if so who is it? Does someone make a "shocking confession" as Chris says and if so what does he confess? Will Ed make better clothing choices next week? Will Kiptyn get a personality?

While you ponder these questions be sure to check out all the other blogs and articles that are always entertaining: Pop Watch, Chris Harrison's Blog, Lincee, and Jillian's blog (or should I say 'Jilly Beans' since she calls herself that in her blog). If you want spoilers or want to hear how fake this show is you can also check out Reality Steve. He interviewed Wes for an hour and a half last week and yes I listened to the whole thing. I have mixed emotions about it and think I'll be discussing it more in a different post sometime soon. Just beware that he sometimes reveals spoilers so you may not want to read it if you don't want to know what happens.

I'm off to Philly and then Hawaii with Reid...y'all have a great week. :)