The Rosys will be presented to bachelors and other memorable characters that participated in this journey that is The Bachelorette this season. While our fearless leader Jillian may call these men the dragons that she had to slay to find her prince, I call them heroes for providing such entertainment all season long. Without further ado, let's begin the presentation.The Rosy for "Most Frequent Mention of a Fetish" goes to Tanner P.
Not 10 minutes into the MTA episode did Tanner P say the words "suck" and "toe" in the same sentence. Does he think we forgot about this creepy foot fetish? How I wish I could forget the toe sucking dance and the discussion of Mango Mango nail polish, but unfortunately I think these are useless tidbits that my brain will store forever for some reason. When Chris questions Jillian about the foot fetish she not only says she knew about it early on but that it didn't bother her. "If a foot fetish is the worst thing I have to deal with in a guy I'm dating then I don't think things are so bad" she tells Chris. Hey Jill, I'm thinking the foot fetish may be what we call a red flag which is a sign that something isn't quite right. I had a hunch that you were not familiar with red flags since you clearly ignored all of them with Wes, but I think this comment confirms what I suspected. A guy that is obsessed with feet clearly has some other issues going on as well.
The Rosy for "Best Relationship Advice and by Best we Mean Worst" goes to Harlem Globetrotter, Special K.
One of the deleted scenes we were treated to was Harlem Globetrotter Special K giving Jillian a little advice in the love department. Although as Emily pointed out at the viewing party, some of his wisdom sounded a little too similar to Forrest Gump; specifically when he told Jillian these little gems: "Marriage is like a team", "Basketball is like life" and "If he cheats at basketball, he may cheat on you." Go ahead, say them in a Forrest Gump accent and you'll see it's not too far off. Special K also questions Juan's understanding of the purpose of the show telling Jillian, "The purpose is to get guys to move out of the house and Juan invited us into the house." He may have been questioning more than just Juan's understanding if you know what I'm sayin. Because Angry Dave was able to take his aggression out on the court instead of on Juan he impresses Special K and affirms Jillian's choice of the First Impression Rose recipient. The Forrest Gump quote, "Mama says you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover" pops into my head.
The Rosy for "Best Attempt to Make America Love You and Therefore be the Next Bachelor" goes to Kiptyn.
During the closer look at the two remaining bachelors that Jillian has to choose between we see that on Kiptyn's hometown date he took her to the charity that he basically runs. Clearly ABC is trying to win over some Reid and Michael fans because Kiptyn is more their type for the typical Bachelor choice. We also learn that Jillian thinks he looked like a baby giraffe on the ropes course date and this apparently proves he is not perfect and therefore it made her like him more. I don't really follow that logic, but whatever works for you Jill!
The Rosys for "Most Hilarious Moment of the Season" AND "Best Not-Sober Moment" go to Ed.
Also during the closer look we get to witness a deleted scene between Ed & Jillian in Vancouver. As Ed and Jillian sit down to have some one-on-one time it becomes quickly clear that Ed would not pass any breathalyzer tests. When they sit down either Ed or Jillian apparently release some gas and as Ed smells the foul stench he lets his face show how horrible the smell is. Jillian then pours out her heart and asks him what he thinks of their relationship, but Ed must have been distracted by the smell and also the large amount of alcohol in his system because his reply is my favorite line ever in the history of this show. Ed says, "Okay, that's a lot of words you just threw at me by the way" and then slaps her thigh as if to say, we're done talking right? The viewing party had to rewind multiple times to relive this greatness. As Jillian walks with Ed down the hall he tries convince her he's not that drunk by saying that phase often as he pokes her nose and then lifts her into a bear hug. Jillian reminds Ed repeatedly that she's wearing a short dress and doesn't want to show the camera (and thus America) the goods. Ed sets her down and shows off some impressive dance moves. Priceless.
The Rosy for "Couple We Could Care Less About" goes to Jason & Melissa - I mean, Molly.
Jason & Molly come out and tell us they absolutely love each other, blah blah blah, after everything they've been through they don't see how they could ever break up. Jason's son Ty gets along great with Molly, yada yada yada, they will definitely get married sometime in the future. Oh and also, they still don't live in the same city. Am I crazy to think that something isn't adding up here? If someone is ready to accept a proposal don't you think that person would move to the city where the proposer is living? I understand that this is not the economy you want to be job searching in so maybe she doesn't want to look for a job, but again something isn't adding up because according to ABC she is a "retail buyer" and the Nordstrom buying office just happens to be in Seattle. I'm throwing a red flag on this and don't quite believe in their commitment to getting married sometime in the future. But then I'll also say I don't really care either way and have already thought & written too much about these people.
The Rosy for "Most Improvement in the Physical Appearance Category" goes to Jesse.
When the men are introduced, the camera pans to each guy and Chris says their name to remind us of who they are. I admit I've forgotten about more than one of these guys and had an "oh yeah" moment when the camera shot went to them. However, when the camera rolled to Jesse I had an "Oh whoa!" moment. I thought Jesse's whole look was fantastic. I loved the scruff, loved the vest & tie, loved the tanned skin, love that he's a wine maker living on a vineyard - Love it all!! I thought he was cute during his time on the show but last night he was straight up hot! What did Jillian not like about him again? I suddenly can't see any flaws and I just want to be his honey boo bear.
The Rosys for "Achieving More Screen Time on the MTA Episode than the Actual Show" AND "Best Nickname for the Balcony Cry Move" go to Tanner F.
Tanner F. had about 7 minutes of screen time during his time with Jillian on The Bachelorette. What I remember most about him is that he was "the other" Tanner and that he wore a lot of bright colored button down shirts (peach and mint I think). However he decided to speak up and/or the producers decided to let him contribute to the telling of all last night. By far his best contribution was telling Jake that he pulled a 'Mesnick' when he agonized and cried on the hotel balcony over his decision to tell Jillian that Wes had a girlfriend. For those of you that didn't watch Jason's season there was a scene in which Jason bent over on the balcony in tears while deciding between Melissa & Molly that was played more than once. Tanner F. told Jake, "On a scale of zero to Mesnick, you were complete Mesnick" Congratulations Tanner F. on contributing such quality lines that you actually made the show this time.
The Rosy for "Biggest Cheese Ass" goes to Angry David.
Angry David apparently did not spend his time away from the show taking Anger Management classes as I'm sure several people suggested. Instead he spent his time working on the full definition of the Man Code so he could be prepared to give an answer should someone ask him about it. Thankfully Chris Harrison did just that so we got to hear the fruits of his labor. According to David it is: Man Code [man-kohd, noun] An unspoken set of rules you don't have to talk about among guys. Huh...that's all you came up with in 2 months, David? You said "unspoken" and then "you don't have to talk about" in the same sentence, aren't those synonyms? Urban Dictionary has a much more detailed definition should you choose to enlighten yourself.
Since Dave didn't provide the clearest definition Our Host Chris pressed him for a few examples and clarification. One of his best questions was, "Isn't being on The Bachelorette breaking the man code in and of itself since you're all fishing in the same pool?" (I think the saying is 'pond' but he got the point across). Apparently Juan was constantly in violation of the man code because he was fake in front of the cameras- he didn't hang out with the guys unless the cameras were on, he only held his beer and didn't drink it, and he admitted to only drinking 1/2 his shot and pouring out the rest. (Mystery you didn't care about solved!) When Chris asks Juan if he was aware of the man code and that he was always in violation, Juan responds by saying the only man code he knows about is a code of being a gentleman and not being belligerent or violent. Chris then asks Angry Dave if he thinks threatening violence was really the best way to go about confronting a violator of the man code. Dave says that he wasn't serious about the violence - to clarify again Chris says, "So when you say that you want Juan to drown himself what you really mean is you want to hug it out." Our Host Chris is bringing it! Chris then asks Dave if Tanner P. broke the man code by tattling on Wes about his girl back home. Angry Dave says of course he broke the man code because "everybody has a girl back home." Classy.
The Rosy for "Most Clueless about How to Compliment a Woman" goes to Angry David.
Angry Dave certainly provided some material on the MTA episode, hence why he gets the longer recognition time during these awards. As his time on the 'hot seat' begins, we get to see a piece ABC put together of Dave's 'best' moments on the show. I forgot how awkward the whole 'your ass looks good in spandex' exchange was between Dave & Jillian and I also forgot how poor Angry Dave was completely oblivious to how uncomfortable that was and instead thought that Jillian was challenging him. To this day he tells Chris that he still thinks complimenting a woman's ass is what she wants to hear after a month of dating and after he's already complimented every other physical feature. Chris gets a little help from the audience who all back him up when he says 'you have a nice ass' is not really what women want to hear. He also questions the man code again pointing out that nowhere in the code is looking out for the woman's best interest included. Although Angry Dave is clearly Angry (as evidenced by his crazy eyes and tightening jawline) he sees he's outnumbered here and so he offers this heartfelt apology, "IF I made Jillian feel uncomfortable then I am truly sorry." Show of hands, who thinks he still thinks he didn't make her feel uncomfortable and is therefore not sorry?
The Rosy for "Most Unnatural Use of a Curse Word" goes to Jake.
All-American Jake's turn on the hot seat, however by this time it's already been brought up several times by the guys that he is 'perfect' and he knows it. There was a heated discussion among the men during the first part of the show in which they all seemed very upset that Jake thought he got labeled as 'too perfect' too often. Mark (the pizza entrepreneur we originally thought was the spy) tells him that no one believes he is a black sheep because he's an airline pilot and his parents are doctors, also he shouldn't take 3 hours to untuck his shirt (what was that about?), and finally he needs to watch an 'R' rated movie to get on the same level as everyone else. Sasha (the wolf searching for his mythical unicorn) chimes in and tells Jake he was like a f*$%!@# actor the whole time. Jake decides to try to buck this 'too perfect' label once and for all, he summons all the courage it took to tell Jillian that Wes has a girlfriend and although everything in him was telling him it was wrong he shouts back at Sasha, "How's this for perfect, f*$& you Sasha!" Bless his heart for trying but even that attempt at imperfectness didn't really work out because it was about the most unnatural thing ever. I think you could tell that Jake regretted it immediately after saying it and it's likely that after agonizing over the exchange for days he would later fly to Houston where Sasha lives to apologize in person. Hopefully we'll see that on the After the Final Rose Special.
After taking this heat from the other guys he takes the heat of the hot seat and we're treated to another piece ABC put together, this time of Jake's best moments. I hate to say that I had kind of forgotten about the pleated khakis and lurch kissing but seeing it again reminded me of why I've always had a small red flag on Jake. Chris asks the guys what they think about Jake going back to tell Jillian Wes has a girlfriend. Angry Dave says, "You cried like a little girl." Jesse says, "She's a smart girl, she can figure it out." Robby & Michael are possibly the only two that agree with what Jake did. Chris then opens it up to questions from the audience. A lady wearing either a gigantic necklace or a large jeweled collar on her dress affirms Jake in his decision to tell Jillian about Wes. Another lady asks if he still likes Jillian to which he responds, "I will always have feelings for her." Gag me. And finally another lady asks if he would be the next Bachelor, he says he would have to think about it but it would definitely be an honor. Oh how I truly hope they don't pick this guy as the next bachelor...every rose ceremony would end with him pulling a 'Mesnick'.
The Rosy for "Most Controversial of All the Controversies Ever" goes to Wes.
I feel like I've read a lot about Wes and his time on the show and what I can say for certain is that nothing is certain. There's even controversy over the reason for Wes not appearing on the MTA. He has said it's because ABC wouldn't let him appear. Chris Harrison says that's somewhat true but ABC wouldn't let him appear because he only wanted to come on at the eleventh hour after refusing to come on in the weeks leading up to the show. Either way, he wasn't there so he had no chance to defend himself and boy did he need defending after the montage of his 'best moments' that ABC put together. Chris asked the other guys for input and even they are not all on the same page about Wes. Tanner P. says he definitely told him he had a girl back home, someone else (can't remember who) said he definitely was on the show to promote his CD, Brian (the one who jumped in the pool naked) said he never had feelings for Jillian, Juan says he sure acted like he wanted to leave on the date in Spain, and someone else (again my memory fails me) says none of those songs were for Jillian they were written months ago for some other girl. On the other side of the aisle: Mark defended his excessive guitar playing saying he's a musician and of course he's going to be playing the guitar all the time it's what he does and someone else (again can't remember) said he didn't have feelings at first but they did develop. Then ABC apparently decides they want to lose some viewers because they put together a montage of memorable Wes lines set to the worst song ever that I've been forced to listen to way too many times - "They Say Love Don't Come Easy". Why ABC, why?
The Rosy for "Strangest Response from the Audience" goes to The Lady in the Back Row.
Chris then channels his inner talk show host during the Wes segment and jumps into the audience to ask random people for their opinion. Pretty much everyone agrees he wasn't there for her. Including the poor guy that was probably dragged there by his girlfriend and had never seen the show before and will be heckled by his guy friends for watching the show from now on. As Chris was wrapping up the question session he asked, "Is there anyone out there that wants to defend Wes, anyone at all?" After a good pause a lady from the back row comes up to his mic and thoughtfully says, "If it walks like a snake...and talks like a snake...then chances are it's not the type of guy that most women would want to date." Seriously lady? A of all I think the saying ends with "then it's probably a snake" and B of all Chris was asking for supporters of Wes which you were clearly not. I do hope you enjoy your 15 minutes of fame though.
The Rosy for "Best Impersonation of Sally from When Harry Met Sally" goes to Jillian.
During the blooper reel at the end of the show Jillian asks the camera guy for a pepperoni off his pepperoni pizza and then makes all sorts of excessive groans and eye rolls about how amazing this pepperoni is. I'm pretty sure her intoxication level had something to do with the pleasure experienced through eating the pepperoni but even after the blooper reel was over she still affirmed her adoration for pepperoni to Chris. Mark the pizza entrepreneur had to be kicking himself for not exiting the limo with a slice of pepperoni pizza in his hand upon meeting her.
The Rosy for "Most Hopeful Comeback" goes to Reid!!
I was hopeful that Reid was the one to come back and make a "shocking confession" but also weary of getting my hopes too high because we've all been fooled by an ABC promo teaser more than once before. I even caught myself maybe reading into things a little too much when Chris said Reid couldn't be at the MTA because he had a "prior engagement" - Engagement?? Does he come back and propose and is engaged to Jillian!?! I catch myself and think ABC of course purposely used the word engagement to draw us down this hopeful path so it must not be true. But then, at the end of the scenes for the final rose we see the hands of a man holding what appears to be either a wedding band or promise ring and then the camera pans up to the face of this man and...it really IS REID!!! My jaw dropped and there was a moment of stunned silence at the viewing party followed by cheers and screams of joy! I am very hopeful that Jillian has had time to see the colossal error that she made in sending Reid home and I really hope that she accepts the promise or engagement ring. Fingers crossed! On a side note I will say our viewing party felt like at our premiere party we were foreshadowing the theme of "Just because you don't get a rose doesn't mean you can't come back" that has been this season. Farrell didn't give Lauren a rose due to her lack of participation in the quiz but we let her stay...if we only knew how true this would be of the season.
And finally, The Rosy for "Best Host of a Reality Show Ever" goes to Chris Harrison.
I'm sorry Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, Ryan Seacrest, and I'm sure hundreds of other hosts I don't know but Chris Harrison has you beat. The generally filler-fluff MTA episode exceeded expectations due in large part to his one-liners and sarcasm throughout the night. He really added to a show that needed to be added to. If you also share an appreciation for Chris I encourage you to read his blog here. I was kind of hoping for an explanation of why he wasn't at the rose ceremony in Spain but I think we all saw how much he was needed as Wes wasn't sure when to say good bye to the guys and Jillian wasn't sure when to walk him out. Such an important job.
Thanks for playing along with the 2009 Rosys and my congratulations to all the winners. Next week we come to the bittersweet end of this season; if you want more behind the scenes stuff be sure to read Jillian's blog here and Chris's blog (linked above). And if you want to laugh, read Pop Watch and I Hate Green Beans. See you at the most dramatic final rose ceremony ever!
1 comment:
Why I love and miss you Reason 1,438,235.5: The Rosy for "Best Impersonation of Sally from When Harry Met Sally" goes to Jillian. My favorite scene of the night. Did you happen to see her face right before she got the pepperoni? It was like she was a tiger about to pounce on it's prey. Priceless.
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