5th of July Fireworks (Brought to you by Jake & Vienna)

The Break-Up Special started very tranquil. Our Host Chris Harrison came out and explained while The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise has produced many successful couples (including the golden couple who are happily married with kids) it has also produced some vicious breakups, not the least of which we are about to witness.

Jake came out and told Chris he wanted to fight for the relationship but it got to a point where he empathized with REO Speedwagon because he’d forgotten what he started fighting for. Except kind of the opposite because he couldn’t remember why he wanted to be with Vienna in the first place, that’s why he quit fighting. And he was sad to stop fighting for the relationship as you can see from his sad face here:
Vienna joined Jake and Our Host and told Chris what she’d already told Kevin from Entertainment Tonight as well as several tabloids – that Jake didn’t pay any attention to her at home and he had a bit of a temper. Jake then told Vienna, “I’m so mad at you – I’m so disgusted with you right now.” And then the fireworks started! A back and forth of accusations and insults began. With that – I present my top 10 quotes from the slugfest:

Vienna: “Can we get a polyOgraph test here!? Does anyone have one of those machines?”

Our Host: “Clearly this was going to hell in a hand basket in a hurry.”

Jake: “Just let me know when you’re done, then I’ll start”

Our Host: “Was Dancing with the Stars a bad thing?”

Our Host (to Vienna): “So after this interview will you disappear?”

Jake: “I didn’t ring this bell Chris, but I’m forced to be here because it’s been rung.”

Vienna: “How can you get sick of someone in 6 months?”

Vienna (while interrupting Jake): “What’s undermine – what is that, can you give an example?”

Vienna: “I’ve never even picked up a tape measure- I don’t know what a tape measure is”

Our Host: “We don’t really care about the dog.”

Vienna eventually stormed off and quit the interview. Emily at the watching party thinks the whole thing was staged but I’m not so sure. I think what really happened is this…back when Jillian was the Bachelorette an aspiring actor named Jake Pavelka applied to be on the show because any TV time is good TV time right? He told producers he would rat out evil Wes in exchange for the title of the next Bachelor – thus even more TV time. He went through the motions on The Bachelor but knew all along he had to pick the most controversial contestant to further his 15 minutes of fame. So he picked Vienna who I think actually liked him for some reason and who I believe was genuine about who she was with him the whole time -- bless her heart. So after he picked controversial Vienna he got the Dancing with the Stars gig and kept Vienna around long enough to make it believable and then agreed to this break-up special to get more TV time and to highlight Vienna’s craziness.

That’s what I believe happened however I have no evidence to support my theory. Regardless, I've come to the conclusion that both Jake and Vienna are crazy…as is anyone who signs up for this show. But then you gotta love them, right - because what else would we watch!?!