Blaming Beyonce

These were the fantastic words spoken by Anthony Williams, the latest contestant eliminated on Project Runway. If you don't know who Anthony is - here's a picture:
I have been a loose watcher of PR this season; I'm not sure why, but it's just taken me a while to get into it. This could be because when I have watched, Anthony has definitely been the only person providing entertainment. (I mean seriously, has Mila had any inflection of tone in her voice when speaking this season?) This season's cast is just 'blah' in my opinion and will be even more so now that Anthony's gone.

However I LOVED his thoughts on Beyonce. In fact, I don't think truer words have been spoken on this show. Okay well maybe except for whenever Nina calls something "aesthetically not pleasing" because she's usually right about that.

I went to a spin class on Tuesday. Before you judge me as one of those spin class fanatic people let me assure you that this was a rare occurrence. Let's just say I took an exercise hiatus during the cold winter so drastic measures need to be taken quickly as this warm weather approaches.

Anyway, the class was very painful as expected and I was huffing and puffing my way through it until the song 'Survivor' came on by Destiny's Child. Immediately I was transplanted back to 2001 driving around Norman, Oklahoma with my windows down - Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle blasting my mantra from the speakers of my sweet '93 Mitsubishi Eclipse (affectionately known as Mitsi, may she rest in peace). I cannot tell you how much I loved that song in college. So of course I couldn't resist singing along during class...

"I'm a survivor (what), I'm not gonna give up (what), I'm not gon' stop (what), I'm gonna work harder (what), I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it (what), I will survive (what), Keep on survivin' (what)"

As I sang these lyrics my cadence on the bike picked up and I turned the resistance knob up -- completely forgetting the fact that I've taken less than 10 spin classes in my entire life. The pain in my legs increased immediately of course and then a smile spread across my face as I realized Beyonce had in fact made me feel like I was conquering the world through my all powerful spinning skills. I was a survivor after all.

After that enlightenment during my spinning experience with B, I went home and made a new workout playlist containing only Beyonce/Destiny's Child songs because I now completely believed Anthony- there's no question that they make you feel invincible. A sampling of what's included...Independent Woman - check, Irreplacable - check, Single Ladies - of course, Bootylicious -- you know it.

If I can get non-breezy for a moment here I'll share that I continued to further reflect on what it was that made me love Survivor so much in college. I know you're probably thinking the answer is obvious -- just look at this CD cover, how could this song not be awesome?
It was more than just the album cover or the use of the terrific line "Cause my mama taught me better than that" that made me love this song though. I think I love the song because it not only makes me feel all-powerful with physical strength as I workout, but it also makes me feel mentally invincible as I sing along.

Generally it's pretty difficult for me to let other people into my failures and grief; especially when that pain is a result of feeling disappointed by something or someone else. I'd much rather use Beyonce's words to tell them (and myself):

Thought I couldn't breathe without you, I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you, Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without ya, But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya, But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya, But I'm on top,
Thought it would be over by now, But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct, But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come, I'm still gon' be here.

While there's a part of me that desires to have that thick skin mentality and be the person who has it all together - the truth is that's not how I feel and that's not who I really am. Since college I've learned that if I try to live under an armor suit then yes, I might escape some of the pain; but under all that armor I'll also miss out on some of the joy. While this may seem like common sense it's been a tough lesson for me to grasp and one I'm still working on...taking off the armor leaves me scared and exposed. I have to constantly remind myself there's Someone bigger who won't ever let me down so it's okay to PYOT (put yourself out there - explanation on that acronym is another post for another time...).

Quite a tangent from Anthony's lovely comments, right?! For the record I still love Beyonce and I won't blame her for all my problems - even though I totally agree that she would be worthy of my blame-shift. Now when I sing along in my sweet '07 Honda Civic (affectionately known as Sally) I have a different perspective. Rather than trying to be the Survivor or Independent Woman I'm trying to be the genuine and fearless - jumping into life with others full-on (no armor) so I can experience complete joy. I'll save the tough-girl mentality for spin classes...

Click here to watch several video clips containing some of Anthony's hilarious comments made during Project Runway. Thanks for indulging a somewhat non-breezy post today, I'll be back to regularly scheduled breezy posts about other random things soon!